Residents recount personal stories on path to sobriety
Anthony Riegel is one of many people in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction in Butler who knows well the power of a 12-step program.
“It's absolutely, positively the steps,” he said. “(It's) the sponsor-led steps and some kind of faith in a higher power.”
Riegel, 50, of Butler has been in recovery from alcohol for eight months. He has been able to stay sober through the world-renowned 12-step program.
“We admitted we were powerless over addiction — that our lives had become unmanageable.”Brent Kennard, 28, of Butler began drinking alcohol at age 7, and by 12 he was using cocaine and heroin. He always knew he'd had a problem, but he thought he could control it.That changed when he began to spend more of his life in prison than out.“It was me sitting in jail the last time (realizing) that there was something wrong, and I had to try to change or I was going to keep going to jail,” Kennard said.Kennard decided to become clean on July 16, 2016.It was the same decision that Butler resident Mike Shamber made during a stint in rehab in 2010, and that Amanda Haskin, also from Butler, made while in state prison in 2012.Kennard didn't officially begin a 12-step program until after he was released from prison and acquired a sponsor, but he did the initial legwork while locked up.He dove into his recovery by taking various classes while in jail, including a drug and alcohol class. Through these classes, Kennard learned the power of cognitive thinking.“You don't have to react on your thoughts before you actually think about it,” he said. “Take a step back, then you can realize the outcome before you act on it, and go a different path instead of taking the first choice. The first choice is always negative when you're in that environment.”The power of realistic thinking, or as it is known in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) circles “wise mind,” is something Jason Beckwith knows well.Beckwith, 40, of Butler has been in recovery for more than two years. He credited CBT and the 12-step program as factors in staying clean.He said he learned to stop attempting to “mind-read,” or assume what other people were thinking, as well as to avoid internalizing and attempting to rationalize bad behavior, whether it was his or someone else's.He replaced these ways of thinking with rational thoughts.“You can't remove without replacing,” Beckwith said. “A lot of people get caught up, in the beginning, with removing people, places, and things, and they don't replace them with more productive and positive things.”
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” and “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”Before his recovery, Beckwith was skeptical of religion and spirituality.“Early on in my life I only focused on why religion was just (bogus),” he said. “So, I sought out the negatives of religion, which I came to find out that whole process was wrong because human beings are fallible. So I was judging human beings and religion as if they were God.”That realization helped Beckwith complete Step 2 and led to the third step.Shamber, 42, found that turning his life over to God not only helped with his initial recovery, but also has helped him stay clean and sober.“I wake up, I pray,” Shamber said of his daily routine. “Sometimes on my knees or in the shower, I wake up and I pray, not always at the same place.”<h3>Step 4: Moral inventory</h3>“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”Shamber drank alcohol and used heroin before beginning his recovery in 2010. He was sentenced by a judge to rehab for the first time in his life at age 34.He went to a rehab facility, but was granted just 14 days by his insurance company.Once he learned of his short stay, it was crunch time. A rehab client came to Shamber and expressed to him the importance of making the most of his time there.“I got 90 days to sit here and think about what my problem is, how I can attack this,” he told Shamber. “You got two weeks. You got to put yours in the microwave, heat it up, and then find out what the problem is.”That night, for the first time in his life, Shamber was honest with himself about everything and everyone in his life.“When I woke up that morning, I got honest with everybody in that (rehab) room,” he said. “It boosted me into getting sober.”It was that honesty that aided Shamber in Step 4 once he got out of rehab, linked up with a sponsor, and began doing the 12 steps.<h3>Step 5: Nature of wrongs</h3>“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”When Haskin's father died while she was in prison, she knew it was time to begin her recovery.“For once in my life I lost something I cared about, and that was my dad,” said Haskin, who had used crack cocaine and heroin. “I felt like that was enough pain. I had dealt with enough pain in my life.”However, Haskin, 28, wasn't the only one who had been through a hard time. Her mother, Phyllis Finney, was affected by her daughter's addiction.Haskin overdosed twice during her time in addiction, which terrified Finney.“The second time, she turned blue,” Finney said. “She was really bad. I was scared, because she was young, only 18.”One day, after Haskin borrowed her van, Finney discovered stolen copper in it. Though it pained her, Finney called the police on her daughter.It was the tough love that Haskin needed. She was released from prison in January 2014, and had been in recovery for more than a year.“I (told her), 'I'm not going to preach to you; you know what you have to do,'” Finney said.Haskin immediately began attending recovery meetings, eventually found a sponsor and began 12-step work.As Haskin began to work the steps, including Step 5, Finney began to see a change in her.“Every month I gave her a little more and a little more, and I'd leave stuff around,” Finney said. “I gave her a lot of trust before the year was up, and I could see that she was trying.”Kennard also found Step 5 to be helpful, as well as challenging.“It was tough,” he said. “I had to really look at myself, and I had to make a list.”After the list was made, Kennard put it into action.“I didn't act on those behaviors that I had, like lying and all that,” he said.<h3>Step 6/Step 7: Ready to change</h3>“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character” and “Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings.”Riegel found God to be extremely helpful in his recovery. His sponsor stressed reading the Bible and prayer.“There's a humility factor with that,” he said. “When I'm down on my knees and I ask for help, it's like I'm surrendering my will to a higher power.”Riegel stressed the importance of following all the steps completely. He initially became sober in 2010 but, because of a lack of commitment to the steps, relapsed in 2012.Riegel was embarrassed and ashamed, so he avoided recovery meetings — and sobriety — until 2015.“I want people to know: please don't hesitate to come back like I did,” he said. “There's a lot of people in these rooms, including me, that will always welcome people.”Riegel relapsed again in 2016, but has been in recovery for eight months.“There is quality time, and there is quantity,” he said. “There are people that have 10 years, and I wouldn't want what they have.”<h3>Step 8/Step 9: Amends</h3>“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all,” and “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”Kennard and Haskin found these steps to be among the most difficult.There was guilt, apprehension and the fact that Kennard couldn't make a direct amends to his late mother, or Haskin to her late father.However, they were able to make amends with people not only by their words, but their actions.“By me living and doing the right thing, I was making amends,” Kennard said.<h3>Step 10: Personal inventory</h3>“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”Shamber lives out Step 10 every day.“I find so many flaws in myself on a daily basis,” he said. “It's a struggle. I don't entertain the thoughts of going back to that life. I can't even imagine going back to that life with the knowledge I have of staying sober.”Riegel hasn't had a compulsion to drink since February, but still thinks of alcohol at times. When this arises, he immediately talks to his sponsor.“I say, 'I don't know why I'm thinking like that, but there must be something going on,' and we work through it,” he said.<h3>Step 11: Prayer and meditation</h3>“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”Shamber and Riegel continue to pray daily. They also have found enjoyable activities which helped them recover. Shamber enjoys weight lifting, while Riegel said he “lives, breathes, eats and sleeps recovery” and enjoys going to Pittsburgh Pirates games, reading and movies.Haskin enjoys playing with her daughter, Sydni, who is 2 years old.Kennard likes to be around his friends, many of whom are other people in recovery.Beckwith, meanwhile, finds pleasure in reading, as well as helping free people from addiction.All of these people stay away from “triggers” that may lead to relapsing, including old habits, people and places. They still have real-life issues, but cope with them in healthy ways.<h3>Step 12: Paying it forward</h3>“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”Haskin regularly attends recovery meetings, and enjoys helping others.“I love giving back,” she said. “That is the most helpful to me when I feel down and have rough times.”Riegel, who called his life today “unbelievable,” said there is accountability in giving back.“I had a guy tell me the other day, 'Anthony, I look to you. I'm following you,'” he said. “I'm accountable to that man, so if I pick up a drink, it affects him.”Beckwith runs a three-quarters house in Butler, and also founded Action in Recovery, a group of people in recovery that holds community service events around town.“I wake up with purpose and meaning,” he said. “I'm not creating barriers for myself.”Shamber said that he is now “a man of (his) word,” and also enjoys being there for others.“I try to be a guy who doesn't tell you what to do,” he said. “I show you what to do.”Kennard reached Step 12 in June, and in July led his first recovery meeting. He said he will likely redo the steps to go over anything he missed the first time.“It can be stressful at times, but if you keep doing the right thing, you're going to get a positive outcome,” he said. “You have to change everything, so you can stay positive.“You can't stay positive in a negative situation. It's rough, so you have to keep moving and stay positive like I did.”
