Football is taking over prime time.

The "Gilmore Girls" are being replaced by the Barber Boys.

"NCIS" is being replaced by the BCS.

We couldn't care less about Howie Mandel. Give us Howie Long.

It wasn't long ago that if you wanted a football fix between the hours of 8 and 11 p.m., you had Monday night, and that was it.

Now, the NFL has wiggled its way onto the prime-time schedule four days a week. Regular season college football managed to get epic battles such as University of Central Florida vs. Southern Mississippi on Tuesday nights this season.

College bowl games are almost exclusive prime-time affairs now.

I wonder how Jack Bauer feels about that? Instead of fighting terrorists, maybe in Season 6, he'll be fighting NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for a time slot.

But wouldn't it be interesting if football and TV shows could merge. Then the couch potato football fans wouldn't have to agonize over watching Dr. Tony Gates or Antonio Gates.

n

Prison Break: The eight arrested Bengals, feeling wrongly accused, break out in search of a $5 million signing bonus.n

Lost: Randy Moss and Jerry Porter search for ways to get off Raiders Island as a menacing black fog (Al Davis) and The Others (the remaining 51 players on Oakland's dreadful roster) look to find ways to keep them trapped.Moss has to keep punching the numbers "3" and "43," his average receptions and yards per game this season, on a computer in the locker room.•

CSI: Arizona. Cardinals coach Dennis Green tries to figure out why his talented team keeps coming to him on a slab with a toe tag each week.•

Without a Trace: Jon Gruden investigates the disappearance of his Tampa Bay offense, last seen in 2002.•

Two and a Half Men. This comedy will be renamed Two and Half Sacks, staring No. 1 overall pick Mario Williams of the Houston Texans.•

Heroes. New Orleans' Drew Brees and Reggie Bush discover they have super powers that help them to save a city ravaged by a natural disaster.•

The (Front) Office. The workplace is one big farce with Detroit Lions boss Matt Millen running the show.•

Numb3rs. The NFL brings in Stephen Hawking to try to figure out how to calculate a quarterback rating.•

ER. Ben Roethlisberger elects to have his "Turnover Gland" removed at the urging of Steelers coach BillCowher, but at the objection of Uncle Jesse, er, Dr. Gates.•

Las Vegas. The Browns kick a field goal against Carolina with five seconds remaining to lose by eight — ironically the point spread of the game — making a lot of people in Sin City very unhappy.•

American Idol. Dallas' TonyRomo belts out the hits as an adoring nation votes him "most dreamy QB."Jessica Simpson guest stars, but forgets her lines, much like T.O. forgets his manners.Maybe I'll just read a book ... nah.