Exchange student comes back to Butler nearly 50 years later
BUTLER TWP — The year 1977, when Rosalind “Rosy” Selby was 16 years old, was one of the most formative years of her life, but she hardly has any photos or physical keepsakes from the time. However, her “mom” has held onto them for nearly 50 years now.
A scrapbook containing dozens of memories has been kept since that time by Barbara Stanko in her Butler Township home — more than 2,000 miles away from Selby’s house. That was the year Selby, née Clarke, traveled from her home in Barbados to Butler through the American Field Services’ exchange program, or AFS, an international organization providing programs, education initiatives, volunteerism and advocacy.
Selby still calls Stanko’s biological children her brother and sisters and can still call Butler County home nearly 50 years later. Selby returned to her temporary home in late-June, all the way from Barbados, to attend the wedding of one of Stanko’s grandchildren.
It was there, on Thursday, June 25, that Stanko pulled out a scrapbook filled with photos, newspaper articles and artwork from 1977 and 1978, which all related to Selby. She had come back to the U.S. several times since 1978, but this was the first time Stanko dug out this scrapbook.
“I don’t have any of this at my home,” said Selby, who would depart the U.S. the following day. “I didn’t know you had this.”
Despite the lack of physical memories from her year in the U.S., Selby recalled many moments from her time living with the Stankos and attending Butler Senior High School in the late-1970s. Selby said her schoolyear-long stay in Pennsylvania gave her a better idea of how big the world is — after going to the U.S., it wasn’t just about Barbados anymore.
“I cannot tell you how I changed, but … I think I became a lot more independent,” Selby said. “I think that my parents realized my horizons had opened.”
At only about 166 square miles, the entire Caribbean nation of Barbados is dwarfed by the size of Butler County, which occupies about 790 square miles of land. The City of Butler is just under 30 square miles in land size.
Despite its proximity to Spanish-speaking nations, the people of Barbados speak English, albeit more of a British-tinted version of the language than the typical U.S. resident, Selby said.
She came across a few language differences, especially at the airport, when a staff member was searching for Selby’s “torchlight.”
“In Barbados we have a torch. In the U.S. you have a flashlight,” Selby said.
Although her nerves kicked in, Selby said her fears dissipated when she met her U.S. family. Stanko, too, said Selby fit right in, even though they had only exchanged a few handwritten letters prior to the temporary living arrangement.
Selby is older than Stanko’s three biological children — a 14-year-old girl, 12-year-old boy and 7-year-old girl at the time of her arrival. Stanko said the family rearranged their home because of AFS stipulations, which required exchange students to have their own bed.
“We had to give up our bedroom so the girls could have a bedroom together,” Stanko said. “She had her own bed and then my daughters shared a double bed … but we did it and it worked out fine.”
The biggest change for Selby, she said, was the change in seasons that takes place in North America, whereas Barbados is “always summer. There is no winter.” Selby didn’t bring many of her own clothes from her home when she came for her school year abroad, but was able to wear Stanko’s clothing and some of her sister’s outfits for a while.
Stanko recalled some of Selby’s difficulty walking on snowy ground in the winter, even when she got her a pair of boots to wear. Walking home from Butler Senior High School — notoriously positioned on an incline on Fairground Hill Road — was trouble.
“I had to tip, tip, tiptoe,” Selby said, miming her short, stiff steps as she spoke.
Selby said goodbye to her American family at the end of that school year and boarded a bus to New York alongside many other international students who started their journeys two semesters prior. She said many people were crying at the bus station where they would leave their families — she and the Stankos following that trend.
Selby is married and has a son, a stepdaughter and a step-granddaughter. She retired from selling life insurance and became a coffee shop owner. She maintains that line of work alongside her husband. She still lives around Bridgetown, Barbados, but is accustomed to international travel, which she attributes in part to her teenage trip to the U.S.
Whenever she comes back to the U.S., Selby stays at the home of her “mom.” Usually, her visits are for family celebrations, like weddings of Stanko’s children and now grandchildren.
“We wouldn’t have it any other way,” Stanko said of having Selby stay with her.
Stanko has likewise visited Selby and her family in Barbados, as one of her children also has, and Selby said they each had a good time catching up with her and her own family.
“Obviously we talk all day long,” Selby said.
Stanko said she and her family took in another exchange student a few years after Selby, but did not have a good experience. Stanko said her family was at least the second family the student was placed with and she would end up getting placed with at least one more.
Stanko said she feels like she and her family got lucky by getting Selby placed with them, as AFS didn’t give people much choice in terms of who they got.
“We were so fortunate because Rosy could speak English, but there were students who came who had issues with their family because of the language barrier,” Stanko said. “Every student is different and each person that comes from a different country has different customs.”
Selby said she would likely spend the rest of her visit looking through the scrapbook — the photos and articles brought memories flooding back she had not remembered in years. Selby said many of the experiences she had in the U.S. would not have happened to her anywhere else and she is especially glad to have found a new family on her trip.
“It was wonderful. I would not take it back,” Selby said.
