Since there are no live sports to watch (unless you count Dodge Juggle, which I do not), I’ve been watching a lot of movies.

A lot.

I can recite every line from “A Few Good Men.”

I’d tell you more, but quite frankly, you can’t handle the truth.

Sports movies have also taken up quite a bit of my time. Some are better than others, but almost all feature a misunderstood, fallible star trying to make his way in this crazy, crazy world.

Since it’s baseball season, I’ve been watching considerably more movies about America’s Pastime.

I wondered (because, what else is there to do in the Time of Corona?) what would the ultimate team of fictional baseball players look like?

You no longer have to wonder.

Here is the all-movie baseball lineup (movie in parentheses).

Catcher: Crash Davis (“Bull Durham”). Is there really any other choice?

First base: Lou Collins (“Little Big League”). Turns out he’s also a pretty swell step-dad.

Second base: Marla Hooch (“A League of Their Own”). Boy, can she hit.

Third base: Roger Dorn (“Major League”). A much better player than player/owner.

Shortstop: Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez (“The Sandlot”). All the Rodriguez, none of the steroids.

Outfield: Roy Hobbs (“The Natural”), Willie Mays Hays (“Major League”), Bobby Rayburn (“The Fan”).

All troubled souls with tremendous talent. Wesley Snipes plays two of these outfielders (sort of) and will provide the team with solid tax advice. Hobbs provides the pop and a few random lightning strikes.

Starting rotation: Billy Chapel (“For the Love of the Game”), “Nuke” LaLoosh (“Bull Durham”), Henry Rowengartner (“Rookie of the Year”), Eddie Harris (“Major League”), Steve Nebraska (“The Scout”).

Good luck scoring runs against these guys. Chapel is coming off a perfect game — against the Yankees no less. Nebraska is coming off a perfect perfect game (27 outs, 27 strikeouts on 81 pitches) with the Yanks in the World Series after getting talked down from the stadium lights. And Harris will slather the ball in Vaseline to get outs — if you ain’t cheatin’ you ain’t tryin’.

Closer: Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn (“Major League”).

With him closing games you’re winning!

Manager: Billy Heywood (“Little Big League”).

A tough decision — so many good fictional managers. You have Lou Brown and Jake Taylor (“Major League”), Pop Fisher (“The Natural”) and Jimmy Dugan (“A League of Their Own”).

But I had to go with Heyward. He may be only 12, but the kid knows baseball.

Sorry, Jimmy. Don’t be sad. There’s no crying in baseball.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.