With all of the ugliness going on in the world I thought I might not write my holiday letter this year but several people said they keep looking for it.

Little did I know on November 8, 1996 when my son John Baglier left for school it would be the last time I would see him alive.

It was several weeks later when his body was recovered under a bridge in Armstrong County.

Johnny has been kidnapped from the Clearview Mall, shot three times and his body was placed under the bridge.

FAST FORWARD — Do men and women grieve differently? You bet they do.

Grieving moms and dads eventually realize that they grieve differently, but not at first; when their grieving is raw, most are clueless.

Even though they have lost the same child their grief is different because their relationship with their child is different. The loss of a child puts a major strain on a marriage.

Enjoy a pet — A couple I just recently met whose daughter died of an overdose three years ago had a dog which the parents took in. They had never had a house pet before but the love that dog gives to both of them is something to see.

We had to have Johnnie’s dog euthanized a few days before Christmas when he was still missing. Coming home to an empty house was heartbreaking for me, so I went out and got a dog. Just a reason to go home and once again to use the word “mom” was somewhat comforting.

Sorry this letter is jumbled but I am writing down my thoughts as they pop into my head. I feel getting my messageout is more important than winning an essay contest.

Now, on to Christmas.

Once again I did my shopping online; even after all these years, since my son’s murder, the mall and Christmas music are hard for me. However, I am now able to attend Christmas parties but initially it wasn’t possible.

You newly bereaved have the right to say no to a function where you think you will simply fall apart.

This past Thanksgiving, the mother and father of the dog I mentioned earlier whose daughter died just three years earlier — and I stress, just three years. In three years the wound is just beginning to heal, and if I hear anyone say aren’t they over this yet I will have to smack them — she and her husband joined me with my friends for dinner. She said when she left “This is the nicest Thanksgiving I have ever had.” She stayed pretty close to me all day and saw that I was having a good time. I reminded her that learning to laugh and love again is not being disrespectful to the memory of a deceased family member or friend.

Let another family host the holiday dinner this year. I promise, even thought you doubt my words, in a few years if that is your passion you will be able to take back the reins.

To sum this up, no you will never get over the death of a child or loved one. But you will eventually begin a new normal and build a new and meaningful life again.

May you all have a peaceful Christmas and a healthy New Year. God Bless.

Judi Baglier of Renfrew is a bereavement specialist.