No Bridezillas
The details and decisions of wedding planning can turn into the tale of a momzilla or bridezilla as the process magnifies differentviewpoints. Nevertheless, there are daughters who are grateful for the time they spend with their mothers in the months before the cermony.
This Mother's Day, Donna Freiters of Petrolia and her daughter Kelly Freiters of Worthington are right in the midst of it all.
“We are very honest with each other,” Kelly said.
“There were some differences of opinion on the size of the wedding I wanted to have,” she said. “I also think the decorations.”
Kelly and Donna imagined an October wedding. But that changed when the groom, Zachary Sadowski, didn't want to miss archery season.
“It was very hard on both of us, my mom and me,” Kelly said.
Instead, it will be a September wedding at the Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in Chicora with a reception at the Sugarcreek Fire Hall.
“As long as Zach and I get married, we have achieved our wedding dreams,” Kelly said. “Fortunately, my mom has stepped up and taken over.”
Donna said things were different helping another daughter five years ago.
“She had a book. Everything had a date and a deadline but it was a much bigger wedding. This is smaller and more intimate.”
Bridal gown shopping wasn't complicated given Kelly's and Donna's similar personalities. They went to one shop. They each picked a possible dress. Kelly tried on the two dresses and will wear the one her mother chose.
Donna has kept Kelly on track during her engagement.
“She reminds me that the wedding is coming, and we have to get this done,” Kelly said.
For the first few months, Kelly went full speed ahead but that didn't last. She moved three times in the past year and other things pulled her attention away from wedding planning.
“In her defense, she's a school teacher and this is a very busy time of year,” Donna said.
Kelly provides support for autistic children in kindergarten to third grade. That is her priority.
She said the simple wedding she wants is hard for Donna.
“Nothing shiny, nothing blinging, we want very rustic and country,” Kelly said.
Spending a lot of time together is not unusual for Kelly and Donna. They get together as often as possible. However, their mother-daughter relationship is not the same as it was before.
“I'm more appreciative of her help,” Kelly said. “I don't like help. I'm grateful that I can give her the reins but she knows when to give them back so I'm not upset.”
“Now that she's engaged, she's moved away. She's grown up. She's an adult now. We're actually closer,” Donna said. “It surprises me now at the wedding that she turns and says this is just not the important part of it.”Kelly didn't expect to be so calm and mellow. She thought she knew what she wanted. Through the wedding planning she's learned more about herself. Now she likes hearing other wedding ideas.“My parents are very fun people, and I do know that with all their help that the wedding will be fun. They have lots of cool ideas,” Kelly said.“It's been a good experience. It's been a learning experience,” Donna said. “I hope that most mothers get the experience of helping to plan their daughter's wedding.”“We want a marriage more beautiful than our wedding,” Kelly said. “We are very simple people and thankfully we have parents that let us be that simple.”Bride-to-be Tammie Schreiber and her mother, Nancy Schreiber, both of Slippery Rock, usually do many things together and that continued when they started planning Tammie's August wedding.“Mom's like my best friend,” she said. “I expected it to go pretty well.”“We're a very close knit family,” Nancy said.Nancy doesn't sense her relationship with Tammie changing as they share the wedding preparations.Tammie will have a reception at the same place her sister did when she got married.“Tammie kind of got all of the information and looked at different places, and we decided together what might work best,” Nancy said.She told Tammie to make the choice when they looked at a day's worth of wedding dresses.“I knew they were not the dresses she wanted. So I said, 'Find that dress. You will have tears.' When she put the dress on, that's what happened.”Nancy said they haven't had to discard ideas while working together.“I'm kind of old school but I give a little bit,” Nancy said.“I always look up to her for advice,” Tammie said. “We always come into an agreement.”“Getting married is a two-way street. There's give and take. There's a hard road or an easy road,” Nancy said.Tammie and Nancy said they aren't nervous or anxious about the big day when Tammie will marry Aaron Brown at St. Luke's Lutheran Church in Cabot.“I've been pretty laid back through the whole thing,” Tammie said. “I tend to think I still have time.”Nancy said, “I know when she gets back on doing things they will come around.”The invitations, programs and some of the decorations are left to complete. Tammie is making bouquets and boutonnieres for the wedding party as well as corsages. They look forward to baking for the cookie table.All in all, Tammie and Nancy are managing well.In Renfrew, Haley Brown is the second daughter to plan a wedding in the family. Haley's July wedding to Joel Vaughn will be at the White Barn.Roxanne Brown said her daughters have different personalities. The first daughter was likely to say, “Mom, you do it.”“This one knows exactly what she wants,” Roxanne said.They are doing much of the preparation themselves.“We almost have the same vision,” Haley said.Since the engagement last July, they've worked steadily, especially during winter evenings.“It's constant when you do a lot yourself,” Haley said.Roxanne is happy about the wedding but said it was difficult to get going on the work.“My head was not in the game at first,” Roxanne said. “I'm losing another daughter.”She knows that a marriage can change the relationship between mother and daughter.“It's the whole empty nest thing. My girls and I are so close,” Roxanne said.“Every day I learn something from her,” Haley said. “I gain so much respect for her.”Haley relies on her mother's support.“It's always there,” Haley said. “It's not expected, but it's almost automatic.”They've enjoyed working on the centerpieces and other items for the birch tree wedding theme — a birch tree arbor, birch votive holders and birch vases for blush and cream silk flowers.Haley said her relationship with her mother is growing even stronger through the wedding preparations.“I just cherish the time spent with my parents and not take it for granted,” Haley said.“Family is so important,” Roxanne said. “You've got to be open minded to each other's opinions.”She said reality television shows paint an idea of perfect weddings but the couples forget why they are getting married.“No wedding is Pinterest perfect,” she said.“Nothing skates by smoothly,” Haley said. “There's going to be bumps.”Roxanne said there is an element of stress but Haley said there is nothing “zilla” with her mother or their planning.“I am so fortunate to have such a good relationship with my mother. So when Mother's Day comes, I always love doing things for her,” Haley said.“I pray for others who don't have the relationship with their mother,” Haley said. “That's my hope, that everyone would get that in their lifetime.”
