If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, you're not a real Christian.

* If you cheated on your disfigured first wife with a rich heiress, dumped her and married the heiress the next month, you are a wonderful Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

* If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

* If you're husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until

age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

* If you spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people (more than the entire state of Alaska), become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter

registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, you don't have any real leadership experience.

* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people (half the size of Butler, PA), 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people (half the size of Philadelphia), then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

God help us..