Blood oozes, seeps and spatters in “Lord of War.” It’s splashed against windows after a point-blank execution, smeared across a floor by the dragged body of a newly-shot Liberian soldier, or leaking out of a comrade who — in the movies, anyway — always takes more than five rounds to bring down.

And yet, if anything, this film is entirely too bloodless.

Andrew Niccol has made a “Blow” for the gun-running trade, a failed imitation of that cocaine history/satire. These are death merchants kept at arms’ length, especially the cynical, jokey “hero” who narrates his own immorality tale. We’re not allowed to do much more than smirk at his cleverness and marvel at how far he falls.

And fall he must, because Niccol (”Gattaca”) is at the pulpit here. See this on Friday or Saturday, and you won’t need to go to church on Sunday.

Nicolas Cage is Yuri Orlov, a Ukrainian emigre who rises from under-the-table gun seller to international gun runner. With brother Vitali (Jared Leto) guarding his back, we watch Yuri’s 20-year climb — buying from Uzi-making Israelis, befriending a shady Lt. Col. Southern (Col. “North” might have sued) and really cashing in when the Cold War ends.Yuri gets what he wants, even the supermodel he has lusted after for years. His con-job courtship of Ava (Bridget Moynahan of “Coyote Ugly”) is a thing of beauty.Yuri is meant to be the yin to Simeon Weisz’s yang. As played by Ian Holm, Weisz is an arms dealer who “takes sides.” Yuri sells to everybody. This “take sides” bit is one of many parables in Niccol’s sermon that don’t pan out.The movie sprints out of the gate, from its clever opening credits — which follow a bullet from manufacture to combat use — to the zippy way Niccol documents Yuri’s ascent. Every time a shell casing bounces out of a chamber in Sierra Leone or Liberia, Yuri hears “cha-ching.”The topline production values give this the veneer of an action film, but the smarts and intent point to something deeper, a sermon the world needs to hear. But his heavy-handedness and inability to humanize and explain his hero mean that even the choir Niccol is preaching to won’t be moved by “Lord of War.”