Unwritten rules in baseball?

Let's write 'em down.

Baseball has more obscure rules than those listed in the small print of credit card agreements.

How is anyone to know when they are crossing the line — or the mound like A-Rod did against Dallas Braden of the Oakland A's?

Admire a home run, get plunked. Jog around the bases a little too slowly, catch a 90-mph heater in the ribs. Tap your helmet when rounding second after a big fly like Andrew McCutchen, duck two fastballs aimed for the ol' noggin.

In each case retaliation is not only expected, but pretty much demanded.

So why not write them down like every other rule? Put them on paper. Hand them out to players in spring training. Make them click on a little box that says "I accept the terms and conditions of being a Big League ballplayer."

That would certainly clear up a lot of things.

Here are some of the terms and conditions that can be included:

n

I will not jog across the pitcher's mound at any time.This can be the "A-Rod Rule." In fact, a whole subsection of the newly written unwritten rule book can be dedicated to A-Rod with such things as: "I will not yell 'I got it!' while rounding second base on a pop up to short," and "I will not stare into a mirror for a photo shoot. That's just too creepy and weird."n

I will round the bases after a home run in no more than 23.5 seconds and in no less than 15 seconds.Pitchers will begin carrying a stop watch to the mound with them. They can put it next to the rosin bag and Popsicle stick used to remove mud from their spikes.According to Marquette University, which apparently had nothing else better to do than study the time it takes a slugger to trot around the bases, the average home run jog takes 21.89 seconds.Not surprisingly, A-Rod had the slowest trot at nearly 24 seconds last season.This year, Jose Guillen has been glacier-like while rounding the bases, maybe because he is so old and decrepit.Of course, rounding the bases

too quickly can be a no-no as well. Adam Rosales sprinted around the bases after his first home run in 15 seconds flat.Trot in a nice comfortable 20 second clip, unless of course you pull a hammy after flipping your bat. Which leads us to ...n

I will not flip a bat after I hit a home run.Apparently nothing irks a pitcher more than the old bat flip.Once you hit the ball with the bat, the bat's work is done. Set it down gently. Let it rest.Pitchers like to claim they are all innocent victims of showboating batters. But pitchers have to follow some written rules now, too:n

I will not throw at the head. Sure, you just gave up a long home run, the dude took 28 seconds to round the bases, largely because he threw his bat farther than the record holder in the U.S. hammer throw. Still, throwing a baseball 90-plus mph at the noggin always will be frowned upon.Drill the offender in the ribs, the back, the hip. Throw a fastball three feet behind him. Just stay away from the head area.Those ugly concussion helmets will thank you.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.