So America's population hit the big 300 this week, eh? Well, I guess it's more like the big 300 million, but who's keeping score?

Government officials are, that's who.

Now, I don't want to sound too cynical, but these are the same Feds that can't really balance a checkbook and who carry a bajillion dollar deficit each year. As a result, please forgive me if I doubt the accuracy of this figure.

Heck, our government can't even correctly tabulate the votes in one tiny little state like Florida!

In fact, some of these same federal officials probably have campaign contributions in excess of $300 million, so what's the big deal?

But if the number is accurate, which is a big assumption, I have a few plans that I'd like to put before each of you, even though your vote is only 1/300 millionth.

First, and foremost, I'd like to ask each and every U.S. citizen (legal or otherwise) for $1. This would result in $300 million and I would buy the Pittsburgh Penguins, knowing that they would stay here in "Da Burgh" forever.

Actually, let's make it $2 per person, which is hardly much to ask. With the other dollar per person, I would purchase 300 million Powerball tickets from my favorite convenience store. The odds in winning are 1 in about 146 million, so theoretically, I should win twice. Additionally, even if I didn't win, I could find a way to sue the lottery commission since logic tells me I should win.

I'm greedy, okay? So let's make it $3 per person. With this extra additional $1 per person I would buy exactly 333,333 body armor suits for all of our troops at a cost of $900 per suit. I bet it wouldn't be tough to get each citizen to kick in a buck, either!

Only $3 per person for a total of $900 million. Heck, Microsoft's Bill Gates and 243 other U.S citizens are worth more than that already!

I'm sorry to sound so cynical — really, I am. But when I watch what we squander away each day and the disparity of wealth in this nation, I find it hard to believe that a Census Bureau that still only takes a headcount every 10 years can be remotely close to knowing how many of us walk around here in the U.S. each day.

When you throw in the literally thousands of illegal immigrants coming into our nation each day, the thousands of homeless people walking our streets and the number of children being born outside a medical facility, since neither of their parents have health care, we have far more than 300 million people.

I would likely guess we have closer to 350 million people, but that's government math for you, right? Just get it close and no one will notice.

Maybe a better move would be to use the $3 from each citizen and find a way to use $1.5 billion to solve some of the more significant issues facing this nation instead of shelling out about $900 million each year for the Census Bureau to operate.

Critics point out the bureau exists so that in times of natural disaster, like Hurricane Katrina, the government is ready.

I rest my case.