To get things done in Butler County, Democrats and Republicans must work together — and they do in many instances — according to Jim Hulings, chairman of the Butler County Republican Party.

Whether it be through families, historical societies or Rotary clubs, or even the county commissioners, groups in Butler County often will find that members have differing political affiliations, which in some cases can be ignored, but in other cases may cause strife.

“I don’t see people not getting along,” said Hulings of his experience living in Harmony. “Before or now, we work as a team. I don’t know if people are Democrats or Republicans, I just work with them.”

Meanwhile, Catherine Lalonde, chairwoman of the Butler County Democratic Committee, said she has heard of people in our communities breaking ties with their friends and families over politics.

However, she, Hulings and president of the United Republicans of Butler County Cindy Hildebrand said they don’t believe in isolating themselves from those of different political beliefs and are friends with people with differing stances.

Lalonde even noted that some of her closest friends are Republicans. She said rather than engage in political conversations with those friends, she tries to steer clear of talking about politics in personal spaces.

The Pew Research Center reported a little over a year ago that 61% of Americans say political conversations with people they disagree with are “stressful and frustrating.” Even before a third election cycle featuring President Donald Trump, a New York Times poll from 2022 showed just about one in five voters said politics hurt their friendships or family relationships.

Outlets have covered stories from all over the country of families divided, cut off and otherwise torn apart from one another over politics.

Relationships ending over such matters is common, as much antagonism has occurred over the past decade surrounding politics. Things such as election rhetoric and the COVID-19 pandemic have led to this environment and, for Butler County, the July 13 assassination attempt on then-presidential candidate Trump may play a role in heightened tensions.

Within families, the state of relationships is even more precarious when couples disagree on politics.

The New York Times said this past October that recent estimates show only around one-third of marriages do not share a political affiliation.

“People avoid politics, they don’t like to talk about it at the dinner table,” said John Neyman, a pastoral counselor from Sarver. “Everybody worries about it at Thanksgiving.”

But those under the same roof must find a way to coexisit and even approach those conversations with one another, he continued.

There are three primary concepts that Neyman said he focuses on for those who have a conflict to resolve: loving one another, forgiving one another and prioritizing relationships.

Love should be one of the foundation principles in approaching someone, he said, noting forgiveness is just as important, as sometimes when emotions get out of control, people can say things they don’t mean.

“It’s OK for everyone to have beliefs, but we still have to override our feelings so we act with love toward that person,” he said.

From a therapy standpoint, Neyman said he prefers things like cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with family divisions over beliefs and ideology. It works with feelings, thinking and behavior. It largely helps people change their thinking away from negative thought patterns and unhelpful behaviors.

“People’s feelings and emotions have a tendency to overcome other areas,” Neyman said. “We want to make sure our feelings and thinking are balanced based upon fact, based upon truth, go on that so we can make proper action.

“But if we go by our feelings and thinking only, a lot of times that thinking process even overrides the facts.”

He said that when election season ended, he saw fewer people coming to him about political division.

“Now that the election is over, it seems like it has subsided. But what I saw not only in counseling, but even so in my own family, is that it divided people,” he said. “For the most part it has indeed subsided, people have surrendered and quit talking about it, but there is still some splintering.”

He noted there have been some instances where even a whole family will come in asking for help. One of the approaches he takes is wanting them to be able to share their feelings in a safe environment.

“You want them to talk it out,” he said. “If you keep compressing things, that’s not going to help. You attack the problem and not the person.”

For the county commissioners, it doesn’t matter how much conflict there is in our communities, or what their feelings are. They still have to work for everyone in Butler County.

That doesn’t change, no matter how toxic the discourse has become.

“I work for everybody,” Kevin Boozel, a Democratic county commissioner said. “I don’t want to talk about politics. I will legitimately get up and walk away.”

For Leslie Osche, one of two Republican commissioners, community roots tie her to Butler County more than any political stance.

“Having grown up in this community, and working in it all the way back to my nonprofit days, I’ve had the opportunity to work with every aspect of the community,” Osche said.

Osche recognizes one of the major factors that may cause increased bickering is social media. Osche said she simply won’t engage in any social media battles.

She said she is happy to meet face to face and talk out any disagreements with friends and constituents who ask about her stances, and that they may end up disagreeing in the end, but she said she feels talking to one another is better than yelling at one another behind screens.

“I don’t need to get into a battle over politics,” Osche said.

With Trump sworn into office on Jan. 20, time will tell if polarization in our communities will continue and if family divisions will be able to heal.

Less than a week in, the second Trump presidency has already created headlines, ranging from controversial executive orders, to pardoning participants of the Jan. 6 insurrection, to news of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids around the country.

At a local level, feelings related to politics have surfaced publicly, too. Incidents over the past year have included a school board meeting where the Slippery Rock Area school board president, Heather Scott, came under fire after she referred to Trump voters as “selfish (expletives)” on social media.

Earlier in January, Lalonde made the point that, while things have died down since the election, she didn’t know if tensions and divisions in our communities will pick back up after the inauguration.

She said she worries about polarization with leaders like Trump, as well as figures like Elon Musk and Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., holding power.

“It will be interesting to see when his term starts, with the people who will be running this country. We’ll see if things get more hostile or not,” Lalonde said.

Party officials can’t predict what the future will look like, they just know how it’s being affected.

“Sociologically, I feel this country is at a weird point,” said Pete Walowen, a committee member of the Butler County Republican Party. “You can get information anywhere, and algorithms are driving you to information you want to see.

“You have people who are loyal to a party, and who may not think deeply enough, but when party says something, they say it’s right.”

Despite this, Walowen believes Americans largely agree on a lot of stuff, and want what’s best. He points to an event in Evans City he attended over the summer where he saw two friends, one wearing Trump gear and the other wearing Biden gear, getting along just fine.

“Democrats and Republicans, side by side, will help people. We always help people,” Walowen said of the political parties in Butler County. “Leadership in both parties will espouse this. Some people will pay attention. Some people won’t.”

For Neyman, the serenity prayer comes to mind when dealing with someone of different viewpoints, as those who say it ask God to help with accepting things we cannot change.

“I think there’s an underlying issue with communication. It could be the motive of the person,” he said. “It seems like in this day and age everyone wants to be right, but we need to be comfortable with thinking our opinion is not always the right one.

“Everyone, maybe, needs to be a little bit humble, have humility for one another,” Neyman said. “We feed on pride a lot in America and that probably plays a portion of it.”