Dear Santa,

I know it's been a long time since you've heard from me, but it's desperation time, big guy.

You see, the kids really want a gift that I simply can't find in any store.

My kids want a daddy that is good, honest and steadfast in every facet of his life, every minute of every day. Try as I might, sometimes I have failed. But I know that you can deliver this, Santa.

I admit that there have been those times when I've snapped, but we all go through it, right? I mean, it makes sense to go ballistic on someone who can't count and see that they have 10 items in the eight items or less line at the grocery store. I think that the kids might have heard me mumble a few unkind words, but I'm hoping they won't remember them.

And then there was the time at lunch when I stiffed the waitress, who was too slow getting my iced tea — but that's her job! The kids in the next booth probably heard me say something in a loud voice to her, but surely they'll forget my actions in time.

Ouch. Speaking of hearing and seeing things they probably shouldn't, I guess that I should confess to you that during the Steelers' games, I can be a little testy, too. The kids think it's cute when I throw pillows at the television, though, so it can't be that bad.

Oh yeah, there was the little "face-off" between me and the cat, too. Nobody really won that battle, but the kids probably saw me grit my teeth at the little fleabag runt. They'll get over it, I'm sure.

Wow. In retrospect, Santa, I've probably been worse than I thought in the first place!

I obviously don't deserve anything from you this year, but the kids definitely do.

You see, they continue to make me try to be good every day, even when it's really tough, Santa. When the day at work is tough, they make me smile with their hugs and kisses. When life kicks me to the curb, they run to me with open arms, eager to pick me up, dust me off and push me to try harder.

Seeing their eyes light up when I read to them brings tears to mine, knowing that one day, their beds will be empty and they will be in a house of their own. Who will push me to be a better man then, Santa?

To be honest, it scares me to death knowing that one day, all of the stuff I consider a "nuisance" will be gone and I will be left alone.

Help me, Santa. Help me to capture each moment of this joyous season and breathe in the air around me, taking in the happiness that comes with making friends in the checkout line or while cutting down our Christmas tree.

These kids deserve something great for their efforts to make me a better dad, Santa. Please don't let them, or me, down. It's the only wish I have this Christmas.

Help me to be best father I can be everyday. That's what my kids want most.

Merry Christmas,

Chris