I have been called a lot of things, but fashion expert is rarely one of them. However, even my untrained eye has noticed a fashion trend popping up all over the place lately — ugly little rubber shoes with iddy-biddy holes in them.

Called "Crocs," this fun-filled phalange formed shoe is the "in" thing right now.

Even Mario wears the backless clogs. Yes, old No. 66 stomps around the house in crocs instead of ice skates these days.

If they're good enough for Mario, surely I could muster the courage to wear a very fashionable pair out somewhere casual, right? Not so fast, Mrs. Nike swoosh.

After never trying on a pair, and relegated to sandals or barefootin' it for the last dozen years, it's hard to give up my Birkenstocks, or Birkis, to some factory formed piece of rubber.

Several weeks ago, however, my toes tickled the edges of their first Croc when my kids purchased a pair for me as a Father's Day gift. How could I say no?

So with trepidation, I left the sandals in the corner and put my meat hook of a foot into something that looked a little bit like a Sherman Tank without wheels. It was time to dip my toe (pun intended) into the Croc infested waters.

I haven't removed the things since.

That's the great part, of course. You can wear them around the house, mowing the lawn, playing golf (yes, I did), in the shower (antifungal), to work (I own my own business) and anywhere else. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, is wearing these things, from my soon-to-be 4-year-old daughter up through a couple of her grandparents.

For the past month now, my toes have been resting comfortably on a bed of air, kind of like a pillow for my tired toes.

Now, however, there is trouble in paradise.

My son and daughter have "decorated" their Crocs with what I call "expensive little hole filler-uppers." Really, they are nothing more than buttons that go in the hole to give a sense of attitude. That's all any 4- or 6-year-old child needs – more attitude.

Now my son, Alex, has a couple of "Cars" creatures dotting his foot and Mia is wearing princess stuff on her shoes.

I haven't, and won't, put anything in the holes. I can't. I won't. I might?

How can I, a grown man, put a button of anything on my already childish shoes, and expect to be taken seriously?

That's the beauty of Crocs actually. They are about comfort, not style. Kind of like a tuxedo versus a ripped pair of jeans, or your favorite sweatshirt versus a three-piece suit.

OK, maybe one teenie-weenie button with the Pittsburgh Steeler emblem or the Penguin emblem on it, right?

If I do that, I would have to get a No. 4 button for Brett Favre. And I couldn't forget about something with "bling," to showoff.

I guess the only reasonable thing to do is to go out and buy a second pair of Crocs so that I can hold all the new buttons I want!

Enjoy the ugliest shoes in the world while they last!