According to popular belief, you will be happy when (insert career/marriage expectation here). And if that doesn't do the job, you'll absolutely be ecstatic when you (have kids, buy a home). Regardless, there's no doubt if (insert bad thing — divorce, a health crisis) happens instead, you will be flat-out miserable.

That's pretty standard internal chatter for a lot of us, parroting culturally dictated, preconceived notions about the keys to personal paradise. But are we really just victims of circumstance?

Maybe not. New research in the growing field of positive psychology suggests our levels of underlying joy depend more on how we react to situations, be they good or bad, than on the situations themselves.

“These things — marriage, family, wealth — do make people happy, but the effect is often not as long-lasting as people expect. And when the 'thrill' wears off and life gets back to everyday experiences, we think there's something wrong,” says Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychology professor at the University of California-Riverside and author of the new book “The Myths of Happiness.” She earned her doctorate in social/personality psychology from Stanford University, and her happiness research has been funded by the National Institutes of Health.

In her book, Lyubomirsky argues that myths about what will make us forever happy/unhappy lead to a restricted black-and-white view of life and prevent us from recognizing the upside of any negative life turn.

“While some of these major challenges will definitively and permanently change our lives for better or for worse, it is really our responses to them that govern their repercussions,” she said. “It sounds cliché, but happiness to a large extent resides inside us, and once we know that, we can take advantage of it.”

Steven Berk, 59, a music teacher in Alameda, Calif., considers himself a pretty even-keeled person on the happiness scale, despite many trips “through the mill” of relationships, lack of jobs, deaths of friends and relatives. But love for his son and his music has always pulled him through.

“I do believe the traditional landmarks of happiness are myths,” Berk said. “And when those don't work, we often turn to drugs/alcohol/sex/gambling/food to 'fix' our unhappiness. True contentment and joy must first come from within.”

Gail and Mike Udkow of Oakland, Calif., agreed that happiness is typically internal, but there are exceptions.

“A lot of the way people see the world is inborn temperament,” Gail Udkow said. “But also, well, we're doing OK financially. If you don't have enough money or food, you can't just change your mind and suddenly be happy about everything.”