First order of business: Let's raise a glass

And toast to the year and what's come to pass.

Keep the tap flowing. We'll run up a tab,

Then wait for tests to come back from the lab.

We'll pour a tall one for Yao Ming,

For Smarty Jones and for Vijay Singh,

For Albert Pujols and Stewart Cink,

For Freddy Adu (too young to drink),

For Phil Martelli and Michelle Wie,

For UConn, Utah and USC.

We'll honor the classics - here's to Greece,

Which kept the games going, and kept the peace.

But don't even ask the cost of the bill

In getting this done - a two-minute drill

Beset by delays, lame preparation,

Driven by force of sheer desperation.

Better to think of the glories of Crete,

Of Phelps in the pool, of Finch throwing heat,

Of Leslie, of Swoopes (these women don't lose),

Of Gatlin in flight, Hicham El Guerrouj,

Of gallant Iraq, Aussies, Korea,

Of those prize-winning Hamms, Paul and Mia.

Let bygones be bygones - skoal! Larry Brown,

Lucky, and then some, to get out of town

Free of all signs of ulcers, angina.

Not your headache in four years in China.

For Shaq, Suzuki, Sharapova,

For Coach K, Kurt Busch, Kuznetsova,

For Jarome Iginla, Steve McNair,

For Lennox Lewis and Juan Pierre,

For Peyton Manning and Richard Pound,

For MRIs and for ultrasound,

For Corey Dillon and Jerry West.

(We'll skip Giambi and Ron Artest.)

For our elders tonight, toss one down -

Paterno and Gibbs and Hubie Brown.

And while you're at it make sure there's room

For Lance in Paris, Jeremy Bloom.

And say goodbye to Bambino's ghost -

To Idiots all, here's one last toast.

The hour is late. Let's head for the door.

They're clearing the tables, sweeping the floor.

We'll make our way home if it's all the same,

Then call for Keith Foulke and close out the game.

Hand over the keys. Let someone else drive.

Settle in for the trip: 2005.