Writing your own wedding vows?

Don’t expect to wing it and do expect to spend the hours it will take to create and memorize your pledge to your loved one.

That’s the opinion of Michael Dittman, an assistant professor at Butler County Community College, who’s been teaching writing for 15 years.

Asked what words of wisdom he would give brides and bridegrooms who want to craft their own vows, Dittman said he would give the same advice he gives writing students: “Think about your audience and think about your purpose.”

“First of all, what’s the reason to write your wedding vows?” Dittman said.

“If someone came to me and said they’d heard a celebrity’s vows and wanted to use them, or the lyrics to their favorite song, I’d caution that’s a bad idea.

“This is about you saying something to your partner on this fabulous day.”

He said making the vow clear to your partner is important, too.

“Each of you hearing the vows for the first time at the altar is a mistake,” he said. “I think you should work together to create these vows.”

“I would even, once you have some rough ideas, ask a writing teacher or someone who does public speaking — get a third party in there — for advice,” he said.

And once you have your vows down on paper to your satisfaction, as well as your partner’s and your adviser’s satisfaction, be prepared to commit them to memory.

“I think the worst thing I have ever seen are people who say, ‘I have a pretty good idea of what I am going to say, I’ll just sort of wing it,’” Dittman said.

“It’s long winded and painful for everyone in the audience when it became obvious that the groom was just making it up as he was going along.”

Made up on the spot or written out beforehand, some churches would rather not deal with homemade wedding vows.

“It’s not encouraged here at First United Methodist,” said Jayme Steighner, wedding coordinator at the church.

“When people write their own vows, from what I’ve been told, it usually ends badly,” Steighner said. “Without the pastor prompting them, it can end in an awkward moment.”

Dittman’s advice to avoid that awkward moment? Practice, practice, practice.

“I wouldn’t go with note cards; I would memorize it,” Dittman said. “And understand it is going to take a lot of practice.

“I probably spent 20 hours in rehearsal for an eight-minute talk. It takes a lot longer than people think it will. Give yourself enough time. You are going to be terrified enough that day,” he said.

Dittman said he would give the happy couple the same advice he would give any student making a presentation.

“Accept the fact that you are going to be terrified. Figure out how you are going to burn off that nervous energy before walking down the aisle,” he said.

He said that could take the form of deep breathing, pacing or jumping up and down.

When it comes time to speak, he said, remember to project from the diaphragm.

“Speak in a lower register than you think your voice needs. Your throat is going to tighten up because of nerves,” he said.

“Work on projecting. You are talking to your partner, and you want the audience to hear what you are saying. You are on stage.”

Dittman said he thinks writing your own vows is a great idea but he offered one warning.

“Do them right and nobody will remember except for you. But if you goof it up, everyone will remember for life,” he said.