From the Heart
In a Valentine's Day atmosphere of cupids, chocolates and roses, falling in love can feel like a dream, but the cold, hard reality is staying in love can take a lot of work.
Humor, sharing and respect, not towering passions and dramatic gestures, are the glue that hold relationships together in the opinion of some longtime married couples.
“A lot of love and a lot of respect for each other helps,” said Dot Double of Renfrew. “For 60 years he's been my best friend and good buddy.”
She and her husband, Dean, celebrated 60 years of marriage in December.
“We have a nice family and that helps, too,” Dot Double continued. “We have five children and a whole house full of grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren.”
“We've got a great family. We have a lot of grandchildren and great-grandchildren and that helps us,” agreed Dean Double.
He also credited the success of their long marriage to compromising.
“I guess it's give and take. You give a little and you take a little. That's probably about it,” said Dean Double.
Patricia and Larry Walters of Evans City said mutual respect and share and share alike were responsible for their marriage reaching its 50th anniversary in December.
“There's quite a few things,” said Patricia Walters. “We've had two children. We've always taken them places.
“We've also cared what our feelings were and what each other thought,”she said.
“You can't always dwell on yourself. If you have an argument, get it over quickly. You really shouldn't hold a grudge. That's a bad thing. Try to have an optimistic take on life,” said Patricia Walters.
“Really care how the other person feels,” she continued. “If you have money problems, figure it out and try to share with the other. Don't let finances come between you.“You really shouldn't hold a grudge. You really have to really focus on trying to make it work. Never try to get even, that's what so many people do nowadays and that's not right at all,” Patricia Walters said.Larry Walters agreed.“You have to work together, and you have to absorb each other's problems and try to help them,” he said. “Everybody has problems. The big thing, I think, is to get them over with as quickly as possible.“When it's over, it's over. Don't look back,” Larry Walters said.“You have to share the finances, don't be one-sided. I think money problems are a big factor in a lot of marriages,” he said. “You have to be 50-50 on everything, you can't be one-sided.“You got to pay your bills first and if there's any money left, share it. That way nobody has a problem. I think that's about it,” said Larry Walters.“I look forward. I don't look back. Tomorrow will be a better day,” he added.Humor plays a big part in the longevity of a relationship to hear Peggy Cratty of Franklin Township tell it.Peggy and her husband, Clair, marked their 50th wedding anniversary in January.“I was 16 when I started dating my husband. 'Get them while they're young so you can train them' that's what my husband says,” said Peggy Cratty.“My husband is five years older than me and he's lived on a farm all his life, the farm we are living on now,” said Peggy Cratty.“I was a city girl with dreams of going to the farm. I wouldn't go back. I love the country,” she said.They have a son and three daughters who they raised on the farm, where they also raised beef cattle, hay and grain.
Peggy Cratty said it seems their union was destined to happen.“My grandmother bought from my husband's father. He peddled eggs, apples and strawberries,” said Peggy Cratty. “One day my grandmother was on one side of the door frame and my future father-in-law was on the other side. I came running through because I wanted money for a Hershey bar.“I didn't hit the egg basket that was sitting there. I got my money and ran back through,” said Peggy Cratty. “My grandmother told my future father-in-law, 'She is going to marry a farmer some day.'”“She never told me that. She died when I was 9. My father-in-law told me the story,” she said.Maybe, the real key to a long relationship is simply two people just like being around each other.“You have to get along,” said Margaret Young of Butler, who celebrated 60 years of marriage to her husband Edward in November.“My husband and I get along really good. We usually do things together, go out together, even go shopping together,” she said.“She's my Valentine,” said Edward Young. “She's been one for a long time. She takes good care of me and all my kids. She's a wonderful person. I don't know why she puts up with me.”
