Milestone calls for changes
Some people dread it. Some people look forward to it. But either way, turning 50 makes an impact.
Several area residents recently shared their stories about turning 50. Some managed to find humor, and others, to find purpose. But they all share one thing: passage into a new, and occasionally challenging, phase of life.
Cow capersSandi Murdy admits she wasn't looking forward to her 50th birthday. The Sarver woman said she didn't want anyone to know as the milestone approached in the summer of 1998. But her friend had a different idea.When Murdy awoke on the morning of July 19, she was greeted by a "birthday cow" on her front lawn, compliments of her friend and neighbor Cheryl Young, 56.Black balloons and banners completed the public announcement."It was surprise — and anger," Murdy said of her reaction to the decorated lawn that morning. "We walk every morning, and she knew how I felt about my 50th birthday. … I knew right away it was Cheryl."
The cardboard cow, a leftover prop from Young's days as a leader at Girl Scout camp, has since made the rounds among a circle of friends as they turned 50."We had a lot of fun doing this," Young said in describing the dead-of-night escapades."Every time a car would go by, we'd duck and hide and lie on the ground. It was a riot — a lot of fun."Murdy finally had her chance at payback when Young herself turned 50."I wrote on the cow, 'Holy Cow, Sandi's 50,'" Young said of the initial prank. "And then they changed the wording for mine. Something about having many more — or 'manure,'" she laughed.While the friends view the landmark birthday with humor, facing 50 can present a real challenge for some people, according to Carl Baughman, executive director of Samaritan Counseling Center, based in Sewickley, with offices in Butler County."It's that whole half-century thing," said Baughman. "That is kind of momentous. It definitely puts someone in mid-life, much more so than turning 40. It might not be on the birthday, but around that time in life, people tend to become more reflective about their life: where their life has gone, and where they would like it to go."They've raised the kids, they've done the career thing and they're making more money than they've ever made, yet they're looking for a way to give back."It was for precisely that reason Jim Beck of Penn Township rode his bicycle 100 miles around Lake Tahoe, Nevada.
Beck and his twin sister, Chicora native Kate Nuernberger of Sioux Falls, S.D., decided to forgo the usual birthday celebration when they turned 50 on May 10. Instead, the twins participated in a 100-mile benefit ride on June 3.As part of the Western Pennsylvania/West Virginia Chapter of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, the siblings raised close to $50,000 said Beck, who serves as chapter president. The local group of about 20 riders raised more than $200,000 — with an event total exceeding $2 million."This was a challenge," admitted Beck, who completed the ride despite a shoulder injury incurred while training. "I took a spill. You have to do a lot of training rides. A hundred miles isn't something that you just jump on your bike and go do. Some people may, but I don't.""It was a challenge for sure, but it was fun to do with Jim," Nuernberger said. "It kind of reconnected us — having this common goal to work toward."But more than a physical challenge prompted the ride. The twins lost a brother, Bobby, to leukemia at age 4. Nuernberger's husband, Jerry, also lost a brother, Kenny, to the disease at age 5.As a pediatric physical therapist, Nuernberger also works with a little girl who is battling leukemia."When Bobby and Kenny were little," Nuernberger said, "the diagnosis was made, and five months later they were dead. They just didn't have anything to treat them with."When you think about what it was like 40 to 50 years ago and compare that with today, the survival rate is just huge. That's because of all the new research and treatments for these kids."It is often that kind of dedication that makes people in the 50-plus age bracket good benefactors to community groups."People in this age make good board members," said Baughman. "They want to give back to the community. They want to make sure they are building a legacy for their children and their grandchildren."Surprise!Debbie Berteotti, 54, said she welcomed the arrival of her 50th birthday on June 3, 2003. The Karns City woman has been through a decade of heart problems, including by-pass surgery at 42 and another procedure at 49.Although she is fine at this time, health prompted Berteotti to leave her career as a registered nurse.
"It didn't bother me at all," she said of turning 50. "I was like, 'I'm glad to be 50 and be here to see my grandchildren.'"Berteotti's family celebrated the occasion with a surprise party that included nearly 100 guests and a plane flyover in her honor."I never had a surprise party before," she said. "That was just great. If they did one for my 60th, it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all."A surprise party was also in store for Dave Ferri of Seven Fields on June 2. Ferri's longtime friend and Navy buddy, Mike Kasinkas of Connecticut, came to help Ferri celebrate his 50th birthday. The men had served together from 1976 to 1979."When I woke up," Ferri said, "my wife was trying to get me to look out on the deck. When I did, there was my Navy buddy," he said. Thinking the arrival of his friend was the "big surprise," Ferri and his wife Susan took their out-of-town guest to dinner. At the restaurant, Ferri was greeted by nearly 50 friends and family members."It was a good surprise," he said.The element of surprise seems to be a common theme when talking about 50th birthdays. Perhaps it's a desire to avoid thinking about the approaching benchmark. Or maybe it's just so much fun for family and friends to offer good-natured ribbing.Whatever the reason, Gina Miller's family managed to surprise her, even on a long-awaited cruise."My mother has wanted to get our family together for a cruise for the longest time," said Miller of Zelienople, who turned 50 on Jan. 5, 2006."We all went right after Christmas, and in fact, we weren't even going to be on the ship on my birthday.""I woke up one morning and to my huge surprise, outside my cabin door, they were all standing there with T-shirts with my face on them."Miller explained that her teenage daughter, Roberta, had conspired with Miller's sister, Carol Viktorin of Houston, Texas, to produce the shirts. Under the guise of playing with a new digital camera, Roberta asked her mother to pose and make faces at the camera."I just thought it was a relatively new camera and she was just trying it out. I never gave it a second thought. I was really hamming it up," Miller laughed.Because her family members wore the shirts throughout the cruise, Miller gained celebrity status on the ship. Passengers left birthday messages on a memo board outside her decorated cabin door. She even ended up with a pie to the face at a restaurant in Nassau."You know when you're famous — although I'm not famous — but I became the person to try and find. I remember people nudging each other and saying 'There she is.'"
Planning is still in the works for the birthday celebration of longtime friends Beth Neveux of Meridian and Beth Wislie of Creighton, Allegheny County.The women have been friends since seventh grade and plan to take a "girls'" vacation to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, for their 50th birthdays in 2009."This is something we're really looking forward to," said Neveux. "We started planning this a few years ago, so it will be five years in the planning. It will definitely be us two, and possibly whatever friends and relatives want to come with us."The timing is right, Neveux said. Neveux will be 50 on Jan. 1, 2009, and Wislie's birthday will follow soon after on Feb. 4."I'm really looking forward to it," Wislie said. "I look at it like, what's the alternative? I'd rather turn 100. But I've always liked my birthday. I get all excited."Not everyone is so happy about hitting 50. Baughman notes a range of serious issues that can crop up around mid-life: Empty nests, aging parents, physical decline, marital conflict and financial burdens can all take a toll.Fifty is the decade where people can find themselves "caught between aging parents and their children. You parent your parents, and you launch your children. This is the sandwich generation," he says. "It can cause a good deal of stress on both sides."Although the counseling center sees "a fair amount of the mid-life crisis things," Baughman says people who dread mid-life and get depressed are in the minority.Although the life changes that come with middle age are very real, Baughman adds it's how people react that can make the difference."A healthy way to deal with the stress is to get active ... do things that they may not have had the time for when the kids were younger," he said.At least one over-50 athlete tends to agree. Pat Neubert, 54, of Saxonburg ran a marathon at Presque Isle State Park in Erie four days after her 50th birthday. Rather than dread turning 50, as a runner, she said she welcomed the chance to compete as a youngster in her age bracket."I think for runners it's a little bit different," she said. "If you're a road racer, the age categories go in five-year or 10-year increments. You're probably not going to speed up as you get older, so you can look forward to being the youngest, and collecting some trophies and winning, instead of being in the back side. So that's a good thing about it. It's just a number — so sometimes it can be a good number.""My main advice would be to see it as an opportunity," Baughman agrees. "Not to see it as an obstacle to be overcome or endured. See it as a commitment to take on promises and to take on new things in life."It's a chance to see life though different lenses. They may be bifocal lenses, but they're different lenses."
