To die at home burdening family and loved ones with difficult and messy tasks, or to die alone and confused in a hospital or nursing home? That is a very difficult question to pose, and it is difficult for everyone involved.

The coronavirus pandemic we have been cursed with for the past year has presented many dilemmas, but none any more personal or stressful than final wishes such as these.

Years before COVID-19 became a force, our family faced the decision of whether those final days of our loved ones would be at home with well-meaning family members doing their best to provide care or in a more professional setting with highly skilled nurses and physicians providing care as needed.

In our case, family members made the decision to keep their parents at home in the houses they knew and felt comfortable staying in. The sick were still physically and mentally able to participate in the decisions that were made.

A recent study was released that put the number of people dying at home at nearly 40% higher than pre-COVID-19 numbers. The general statement as to the reason for this jump was people not willing to lose personal contact with the hospitalized.

COVID-19 regulations have pretty much shut down all visitations, and the horribly sad stories of either no goodbyes or goodbyes via iPads or cellphones are becoming far too frequent.

A minister once told us that he found services for the dead much less stressful and argumentative for families than weddings. But with this new factor to consider, we wonder if he still feels the same.

As we age, we have suffered the loss of more friends and family every year. That is part of life. Most, if not all, funeral homes and funeral directors encourage as much preplanning as possible.

COVID-19 regulations have forced many of those prepaid and prearranged plans to disappear. We need to rethink all of those thoughts and include additional concern for in-home care versus nursing home or extended-life care. It isn’t something we want to do, but something that needs to be done.

We need to prayerfully discuss what our loved one’s wishes are when it comes time. What once was clear may not be the same as it was. Maybe the good Lord will spare us from having to deal with too much more of this, but if need be, we hope you will have a good idea what those you love would want.

And please wear your mask.

— RV