QUESTION: Do you have a recipe for a good fruitcake? I would like to make some as gifts for my aunts and grandparents, but only if they're good and don't inspire any jokes. Many thanks.

ANSWER: Is good fruitcake an oxymoron? I've heard of jumbo shrimp, fresh dried fruit, peacekeeper missile, nonworking mother, young Republican, thieves' honor, but good fruitcake?Somewhere along the line, fruitcake must have been a delicious item because it dates back to the Middle Ages. In fact there is an original copy of an old Roman recipe that lists raisins, preserved fruits, pine nuts, honey, and spices that were all mixed into a barley mash loaf. This was the precursor to any modern day fruitcake, and the same loaf was probably passed from toga party to toga party.Through the years the confection gained in popularity. When cheap sugar from the colonies started to arrive in Europe in the 16th century, some individual discovered that fruit can be preserved by saturating it in large concentrations of the sweetener. Much of this sugar-laced fruit was then shipped to the New World where an abundant supply of cultivated fresh fruit was not yet available. The colonists could either nibble on it or make fruitcake!The confection caught on and it was in early America that commercial fruitcake bakeries were born. The first ones were located in Texas and Georgia. Both of these states are big nut producers, and that's why nuts became such a predominant fruitcake ingredient, giving rise to the ultimate holiday put-down: "You're nuttier than a fruitcake!"Somewhere along the line, fruitcake became the butt of all jokes. Diehard fruitcake defenders (and believe it or not there is a Fruitcake Society) point the finger at Johnny Carson on the "Tonight Show." His most famous joke about fruitcake made the claim that there is really only one fruitcake in the entire world and people keep sending it to each other. Here are a few more jokes about the venerated holiday treat.1. Use slices of fruitcake to balance that wobbly kitchen table.2. Use them instead of sandbags during El Niño.3. Send them to U.S. Air Force, let troops drop them on strategic targets.4. Use them for railroad ties.5. Tie them on instead of cement shoes.6. Collect 10 of them and use as bowling pins.7. They make a handy pin cushion.Seriously, fruitcake can be a delicious holiday dessert — especially if you follow these tips. If you are making a fruitcake loaf, glass or ceramic works better than a metal pan to prevent your fruitcake from overbrowning.If you don't have glass or ceramic, you can use a water bath to prevent overbrowning around the edges. (To create a water bath, place the fruitcake pan inside a larger pan of equal height. Fill the outer pan half way with water, and proceed with baking.) Be sure to generously grease any pan that you use. No matter what size fruitcake you are making, allow to cool down inside the pan before removing onto a rack to cool completely. If you are going to freeze a fruitcake, dust it generously with powdered sugar and then wrap it in parchment paper, then foil, then plastic wrap.Here are two recipes that will help you along with your fruitcake baking and will inspire holiday cheer instead of jeers. With any luck, you won't get them back next year.

1 1/3 cup raisins1 cup dried currants4 ounces chopped dried dates½ cup drained and chopped candied cherries½ cup chopped candied orange peel1 cup chopped walnuts1 cup chopped pecans2½ cups all-purpose flour¾ teaspoon baking soda½ teaspoon baking powder½ teaspoon kosher salt½ teaspoon ground cinnamonPinch of ground nutmegPinch of ground cloves½cup plus 2 tablespoons butter1 cup sugar1½ tablespoons light corn syrup½ cup red currant jelly4 eggs½ cup orange juiceFor the glaze:1½ tablespoons light corn syrup2 tablespoons sugar2 tablespoons water2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juicePreparation for the fruitcake:In a mixing bowl, mix together all the dried fruits and nuts. Sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves. Then in a mixer cream the butter and the sugar until very light and fluffy, about five minutes. Mix in the corn syrup and the red currant jelly. Continue beating and add the eggs one at a time until very well combined. Turn the mixer to low and add the dry ingredients along with the orange juice alternating until all are used and well combined. Mix in the dried fruit mixture and pour into a very well greased loaf pan.Bake in a 275 degree oven for approximately 2 to 2¼ hours or until a cake tester comes out clean. Cool in the pan for the first ten minutes then turn out onto a wire rack to finish cooling. While cooling add the glaze ingredients into a saucepan over medium heat until the mixture comes to a boil, stirring constantly until well combined. While the fruitcake is cooling brush the fruitcake with the glaze, allowing it to absorb fully.

½ cup chopped raisins½ cup chopped candied pineapple½ cup chopped candied cherries¾ cup chopped candied orange and/or lemon peel1½ cups chopped pecans1½ cups chopped walnuts½ cup plus 2 tablespoons butter3 tablespoons light brown sugar3 tablespoons honey4 large eggs½ cup all-purpose flour½ teaspoon baking powder¼ teaspoon baking soda¼ teaspoon nutmeg¼ teaspoon allspice½ teaspoon kosher salt¼ cup good brandy or Grand MarnierLight corn syrup and candied fruit for garnishCombine all the candied fruits and the chopped nuts. Mix well. Cream the butter and the brown sugar in a mixing bowl until light and airy. Add the honey, mixing well and add the eggs. Beat well after each addition. Take the remaining dry ingredients and sift them together. Add to the butter mixture beating until well blended. Mix in the brandy and blend in the fruits and nuts until well combined.Place into a very well greased and floured muffin tin. Bake in a preheated 300 degree oven for approximately 40 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. If the muffin tops begin to brown too quickly, you may cover them with a piece of buttered parchment paper.When you pull the muffins out of the oven, heat up the corn syrup and glaze the muffins with a pastry brush. Sprinkle with a little candied fruit for garnish.