Bereavement coordinators have a tough, but rewarding job
MIDDLESEX TWP — For John Porter, certain work days remind him to tell the people in his life he cares about them before it’s too late.
He has found in just a year of working as a bereavement coordinator for a hospice agency unsaid words can weigh on a person’s mind after surviving the loss of a loved one. His job is to help people deal with the weight of those feelings.
“If someone passes away in your life, they're going to go through a period of adjustment,” Porter said. “The process of going through those changes and coming to terms, that's what we call grieving.”
Bereavement coordinators at Good Samaritan Hospice speak with people after they have experienced the death of a loved one that took place in the hospice. There are a few bereavement coordinators on staff at Good Samaritan Hospice. They work part-time hours to help people cope with death and their communications with bereaved individuals can last more than a year, according to Porter.
Porter said the coordinators are not necessarily academically educated for the job, but they do train for its demands. Porter himself used to be a church pastor, an experience he said has helped him in his role in bereavement support.
“We don't offer grief therapy, we offer grief support, which is a little bit different,” Porter said. “We're not licensed mental health professionals. We don't have significant experience, but we are there offering support as they navigate a loss.”
No two days are the same on the job as a bereavement coordinator. Marcia Jones-Washington, another bereavement coordinator with Good Samaritan, said she works on site three days a week to support bereaved people.
She explained her initial outreach to clients of the hospice is normally in the form of a check-in phone call, where she offers her support and contact information to a person should they want to talk more about the death of a loved one.
A person can initiate bereavement support at any time over the first year, according to Porter.
“There is a 1-800 number that we give out,” Jones-Washington said. “When their loved one first passes, that's when we call and let them know what kind of bereavement care we offer.”
Jones-Washington used to work as a chaplain and spiritual care counselor, experience she said lends itself well to her current work.
Jones-Washington and Porter also lead support groups for the bereaved, which can be tailored toward different people and different kinds of familial death. These support groups are often open to the community and welcome people who have not directly dealt with Good Samaritan.
Porter said the bereavement coordinators on staff at Good Samaritan have some guidance when it comes to speaking with people going through a death. People who engage with the bereavement coordinators and their programs can opt to get more follow-ups from the team. The team members even have methods of knowing how much action to take depending on the person.
“We have a grief-risk care plan which involves calling initially and encouraging them to call and following up a couple months later to see how things are going,” Porter said. “If they have conflicted relationships with the family members or the person who died, that could make their grief a little more difficult, so we can assess their risks and if they are at mild or high, we check in with them more frequently.”
One of the major support groups hosted by the bereavement coordinators is “Facing the Firsts,” which Jones-Washington said helps people cope with significant personal events like holidays or the birthday of their deceased loved one.
Jones-Washington and Porter agreed there is no road map to grief and it’s part of their job to pass this fact on to the grieving.
“The goal of bereavement support is to help people experience an affirmation that what they're going through isn't unusual and that they're not alone while going through it,” Porter said.
Porter said that while he speaks a lot with people who have lost a parent in the hospice, the second most common type of person he works with is someone who lost a spouse. Jones-Washington said she has even spoken with people whose children died in hospice care.
Having any of these conversations can be difficult for the bereavement coordinators, even for the ones who have worked in the field for years.
Jones-Washington said even after years as a chaplain and now as a bereavement coordinator, she feels the emotions of the people she speaks with on the job.
“That's the thing with grief, I'm not sure you ever get used to it,” she said. “I was even talking to someone that, even though I work in this area as a bereavement coordinator, that doesn't make it any easier for me.”
Even though her job application included a reference to a death she experienced early in her life.
“When I applied for the first position in my cover letter, I said I thought that most of my life has prepared me for losses in my family and having to care for my dad, who died when I was 16,” Jones-Washington said. “With this type of work, bereavement work, you do have to want to be in some sort of helping mindset and be able to offer words of comfort to people.”
Porter said that while not everyone who is contacted by the bereavement coordinators follows up with them afterward, some people find their presence and support helpful. He noted some people seem to open up more to him as a stranger than they would for people close in their lives.
“Sometimes we find that people enjoy people who don't know,” Porter said. “You make a group of friends around grieving and it can feel very freeing to know that you don’t have to do it on your own.”
Porter also reiterated the work has given him an appreciation for the people in his own life because, although he keeps a professional distance from the bereaved he speaks with, he still empathizes with their stories and experiences.
“Part of the challenge is you don't want to get so emotionally involved. You want to keep some good professional boundaries so you're not influencing other people, but at the same time you want them to be open,” Porter said. “You need to listen in a way that you're emotionally moved.
“You hear a lot of challenging experiences so it can make you appreciate the people that you have.”
