Bereaved Parents of the USA comes to Western Pennsylvania
Leading an organization made for parents who have lost a child suggests finding a difficult balance between giving those parents space to express themselves at their own pace, but also “loving on them” in a group setting.
After nearly four years of doing just that, Christine Roe, of Cranberry Township, took her balancing act from the county level to the national level.
Roe became president of the Bereaved Parents of the USA board of directors in October, after forming a Butler County chapter in 2022, following the death of her daughter, Ashley Justine Roe Snyder, 29, on Dec. 2, 2018. Roe is now in charge of facilitating the national organization’s annual gathering, and is bringing it to the Pittsburgh Airport Marriott July 25 through 27.
Although she is taking on a hefty task in leading an organization that has 52 chapters across the nation, each with memberships of its own, being involved with Bereaved Parents has been Roe’s calling since she lost her daughter.
“That's what got me through and got me into this; Ashley had such a giving heart and when I started giving it made my heart feel better,” Roe said. “She had a spirit that would just light up the room … Finding Bereaved Parents USA gave me an opportunity to carry her forward. She would have wanted me to go forward. That's what I'm doing now.”
Bereaved Parents of the USA formed in 1995, by a group of Bereaved Parents from across the country to offer support, understanding, encouragement and hope to fellow Bereaved Parents, siblings and grandparents after the death of their loved one. According to the national organization’s website, local chapters exist to help Bereaved Parents and their families process the loss of a child, which it calls a life-altering event.
Roe is all too familiar with this, and so are the people she encounters at the Butler County meetings.
It takes some time, but people who attend several meetings of the Bereaved Parents eventually get more comfortable speaking out, Roe said. Most of them are parents, but some are grandparents and siblings.
“When people have lost children, people don't know how to interact with them anymore. What we want to do is give them space,” Roe said. “If there's a new parent or sibling, we give them time to share about their loved one.
“We talk about what strategies you can use to navigate. We're just listening to each other and caring for each other.”
Bob McCutcheon is a music recording producer who will present a documentary at the Bereaved Parents gathering in July. The documentary chronicles the journey his son, Brett McCutcheon, took on to record an album in memory of Ryan McCutcheon, Bob McCutcheon’s son and Brett’s older brother.
Bob McCutcheon has shown the documentary, “The Ocean — Five years,” at events in the past, and he said he thinks it will be touching to people at the Bereaved Parents national gathering. The documentary is how Brett McCutcheon dealt with the loss of a loved one, and Bob McCutcheon said it is meant to help others “engage in grief awareness.”
“We often get approached afterward with individuals who it had resonated with their own grief stories,” Bob McCutcheon said. “It's going to be a room full of people who are there specifically because of their grief and this is going to resonate with the group on that level. I think it's going to be extremely emotional.”
Bob McCutcheon added that the documentary has sparked conversation among people who have lost children, which was one of its goals.
“As adults we don't always know how to speak with children about that grief,” Bob McCutcheon said. “The documentary was a way of showing that talking about it actually does feel better.”
The screening of the documentary is just one of the activities on the docket for the Bereaved Parents gathering in July. Roe said there are also a number of workshops, which are all geared toward processing grief and living life after the loss of a child.
The workshops involve talks from professionals and other people who have lost children, but Roe said the benefit of the gathering is that it opens up conversations among people there, who likely have similar experiences.
“I believe we have 30 workshops, and we have bereaved panels and they lead workshops, sometimes it's crafting things, books, so that's always really nice,” Roe said. “You might hear someone tell you a story in the workshop. You can sit down with somebody that you might be able to connect with and talk to.”
The event is not all teary. Roe said there will be an interpretive dancer and a candlelight ceremony to memorialize the people that brought the attendees to the event in the first place.
The emotions are more likely than not to come out, however, but Roe said the tears can fall without judgment.
“It's nice getting into a room where you don't feel like you have to hide your feelings about your child or look at you funny if you cry,” she said.
Bob McCutcheon also commented that the Bereaved Parents group has been good at dealing with grief and grief counseling, and helping others deal with their own feelings on the death of a child.
Roe, too, said the organization has been great to her, and she has seen good outcomes from people attending meetings locally, and the national gathering. This will be the 30th year of the Bereaved Parents of the USA, and Roe said the gathering could be a great tool for people still processing their emotions.
“At first you walk in and you're nervous because a lot of people who have lost their child may not feel good about being in a big group,” Roe said. “It's a beautiful thing to be able to help other people. At night we have sharing sessions. And that's a good opportunity to talk more.”
For more information on the Bereaved Parents of the USA, visit the national website at bereavedparentsusa.org. The Butler County chapter also has a website, butlercountybpusa.wixsite.com.
