The death of a loved one is always difficult, but for people who have loved ones who died by suicide, the pain is magnified, in part because of feelings of shame and stigma.

In the Sunday, Feb. 25, edition of the Butler Eagle, we learned about Jim and Deb Smith, of Evans City, whose son, A.J., died by suicide in February 2016. Since their son’s death, the couple have become active in support groups for families grieving after a loved one dies by suicide.

They founded A.J.’s Stop 22, which is dedicated to raising money to prevent veteran suicide. A.J., who was 28, had served in Iraq with the U.S. Army.

The name of the foundation refers to a slogan adopted by many suicide prevention advocacy groups stating an average of 22 veterans a day in the United States die by suicide.

Deb Smith said that after her son’s death, multiple people told her that they, too, had family members who had died by suicide.

“I was just amazed — people that I worked with on a daily basis for years, they came up to me and told me they had a lost a child by suicide and I never knew it,” she said. “I worked with these people for years, and they were never comfortable enough to tell me that they had lost somebody to suicide until after we lost A.J.”

One thing Smith has stressed in the years since A.J’s death is how important it is to have difficult conversations.

“Bring it up, talk about it,” she said. “Don’t push it aside. Don’t think it couldn’t happen to your family, because it could. I never imagined our son would take his life. We were blindsided by it.”

The efforts of people like Deb and Jim Smith go a long way toward decreasing the stigma around talking about mental illness and suicide. They are uncomfortable topics but they are essential, and not having those hard conversations could lead to lifelong feelings of regret.

If you are in crisis, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 to speak with a trained listener or text 63288.

To reach the Veterans Crisis Line, dial 988 and press 1, or visit veteranscrisisline.net for crisis chat services and more information.

— JK