The art of the toast
Love should be spontaneous but never the toasts, wedding vows and speeches that celebrate a marriage.
Two experts of public speaking say anyone trying to “wing it” through a wedding toast or speech is asking for failure.
Allison Peiritsch of Slippery Rock University's Department of Communications, who had 18 years as a public relations practitioner before coming to SRU, teaches public speaking classes.
Tricia Pritchard is on the faculty of Butler County Community College and Grove City College and teaches classes in public speaking and professional communications among others.
They both agree even remarks that seem off the cuff need a lot of preparation.
Peiritsch said, “Whether a toast, speech and vows, we can conflate the three, the practices and preparation will be similar.”The most common mistake that toast and speech makers and vow takers can make is to not put enough thought and preparation into their words.“When I talk about forethought, I experience it in the classroom as well,” Peiritsch said. “Maybe people think they can wing it. I know these people want it to seem natural.“Even those speeches that appear off the cuff need a lot of forethought and planning,” she said.Another mistake in making a toast, Pritchard said, is making it too long.“It's usually no more than three minutes,” said Pritchard.Both Pritchard and Peiritsch said a toast is made up of an introduction, body and conclusion.“Before you begin writing, you need to know who is listening; who are your listeners?” Pritchard asked.“Whenever you are speaking, you are giving a gift to your listeners. You are going to want them to open it up, by listening to you,” she said.In preparing remarks, said Peiritsch, ask yourself what is the occasion and where is the toast taking place.“We want to make sure we are being upbeat and positive,” she said, and whether the toast is taking place in a hall, restaurant or home will guide the formality and content of the toast.It's important to understand who your audience is, Peiritsch said.“Everyone should feel included in the toast, so think very carefully of inside jokes, phrases and terms,” she said.“Remember humor is subjective. It can be powerful, but it can backfire,” said Peiritsch.“You need to start with a highlight of one or two admirable qualities of the person or the couple being toasted,” said Pritchard.Decide what the admirable qualities are that are worthy of being praised, identify them and add an anecdote or two.Come up with one or two messages organized around the admirable qualities, said Pritchard, and “You've got a framework that is workable and will set you up for success.”Now that you have your message, it is time to refine it and practice it and practice it again.“Practice makes perfect, it really does,” she said. “Practice aloud, saying it in your head doesn't count.”“Saying it aloud you can hear your voice, the cadence in your voice,” she said.Pritchard said it really helps to record your speech on your phone. That way you can listen to yourself, hear your cadence.Pritchard said she recommends writing out the words of the toast or speech especially for those new to public speaking.“I'd create a script and then what I would do, I would get other people involved and ask for feedback,” she said.It's best not to have a script or note cards in hand, Pritchard added; you should have your toast or speech mostly memorized. Commit it to memory by recording your words and listening to them over and over again while you are driving or walking the dog or whatever.It's important to try not to memorize all your remarks.Pritchard said, “When we try to memorize, to me that's a recipe for disaster.“Often in the moment we'll look at someone, be thrown off, back up and start again,” she said.She said some of the best speeches don't involve multiple note cards.“Limit yourself to one card. Nobody wants to see you reading a note card, clutching the card to your chest,” said Pritchard.Instead use the note card to suggest keywords and phrases, a couple of words to the introduction, a word to hit in the body of the speech.At the same time you are practicing your speech, Pritchard and Peiritsch said, practice making eye contact with your audience.Pritchard said while speaking or toasting, “Look around the room. Smile, it's a very important, part and parcel to the energy in the room.”In practicing, said Peiritsch, simulate the room, how it will be set up. Are the remarks coming from the front of the room, from the side, from the dance floor?Practice your speech standing up and if it's a toast, remember to have a glass handy.Peiritsch said, “Speak confidently. We are the batteries in the room. The audience derives energy from you. Speak confidently and clearly. We need to slow down, work on our articulation, speak more slowly maybe than we would in regular conversation.”Pritchard said, “As much as you can plan, the more the better. Who are you going to look at? When do you make eye contact with the couple? And don't forget about gestures.“As far as gestures and postures, I always encourage my speakers to do what you do in everyday conversation,” she said. “There's nothing wrong with moving around a little bit. It helps alleviate stress and anxiety.”With practice, Pritchard said, we can fine-tune the voice's volume and pace — the rate of speaking which in turn will affect the articulation and clarity of the speech.People need to be aware of the filler words, the “ums” and “ahs” that can punctuate an address and work to cut them out.Pritchard said in writing vows, “it's a love letter that people are listening to. You are writing a love letter to someone else but you are inviting everyone to read it.”“It's extremely personal, but no matter what, the goal is to make people feel good, not embarrass anyone, and I would think you would never want to offend anybody, she said. “Use inclusive language and make people happy that they are there.”Remember Peiritsch said, your words will last long after the marriage ceremony, thanks to social media that will record the toast, speech or vows and send them out on the internet for the whole world to see.“Your words are a reflection of who you are and will live forever in digital media,” she said.Peiritsch said, “I find people are pandering to the lowest common denominator and we've seen that.“For me, the over arching message is you don't want to be the person delivering a toast that goes viral for all the wrong reasons,” she said.“Tasteless humor is something that reflects poorly on the person delivering the toast and only serves to embarrass the couple and the audience members,” she said.“When delivering a toast, it's not time to launch career in stand-up comedy by unrelated jokes or revealing private details,” Peiritsch said.Because of this, neither Pritchard or Peiritsch recommends the speaker hit the bar before making his remarks.Staying sober will keep your speech, toast or vows on point and the bride and groom on the top of list of considerations, they said.
