Decades of love
Pennsylvania ranks fourth among the 10 states with the lowest divorce rates, and a number of Butler County couples are contributing to that happy statistic.
Many local couples boast marriages of more than 50 years, and one common theme among all of them is that a dedication to kindness through a relationship's peaks and valleys is vital.
Walt and Maryann Dunmyre, of Franklin Township, married at St. Paul's Catholic Church in Butler 50 years ago.
“Be kind to one another,” Maryann said. “The marriages today are so much 'me, me, me' and they're not lasting.”
She said couples should embrace one another's quirks instead of looking at them as annoyances, as she does when Walt loudly stirs his coffee each morning.
“When you're young, idiosyncrasies that drive you crazy become endearments when you get older,” she said. “There are so many of those.”
Walt chimed in with his own idea on how his marriages has survived.
“Good cooking!” he said.
“That, too,” said Maryann.
Matt and Karen Embroski, of Cape Coral, Fla., grew up and met in Butler County.They married in Arlington, Va., 58 years ago.“We have always said that one of the important things we follow is having fun together,” Matt said.“That's our No. 1 thing,” Karen said. “We laugh a lot, both at the good and the bad.”She said those who want a sustained marriage have to persevere as the years go by.“Young couples today give up too easily,” Karen said.She had nothing but plaudits for her groom of almost six decades, saying many women are envious of her marriage because of Matt's kindness and consideration.“He has always given me my independence,” Karen said. “I think a lot of couples my age, the men are dominant.”Matt said young couples should give one another an appropriate amount of space as each partner figures out how best to be a husband or wife.“And don't try to change the other person,” Karen added. “It doesn't work. I tried.”She said the couple's longevity also has to do with her upbringing as a Roman Catholic.“When you got married, you stayed married,” Karen said. “We went into marriage knowing that.”
Jack and Alice Kuhns, of Penn Township, have enjoyed 53 years of wedded bliss since being hitched at Butler Baptist Temple.She said one key to a long-lasting marriage is deciding whether you can tolerate the things you want to change about your potential mate.“I've never tried to change him,” Alice said. “There's less hassle and argument that way.”She advises young couples to ignore the little things and to “have a good, Christian life.”
John and Joan Russo, of Butler Township, wed 62 years ago at St. Michael the Archangel Catholic Church in Butler.“It's all about love and being able to forgive one another at all costs,” said John.The retired Butler High School AP biology teacher said he and Joan met in 1955 at Neighborhood Night at Broad Street School.
“I didn't like her, and she didn't like me for a while,” John said. “We started dating and things worked out all right.”Joan advises young couples to be patient and not to give up on their unions.“Everyone has problems,” she said. “You shouldn't run to get a divorce. You should work it out.”John agreed.“Our marriage is not perfect,” he said. “All marriages are up and down. We've had our moments, but we worked them out.”
Jim and Bonnie Fiel, of Butler Township, pledged their vows at Hill United Presbyterian Church in Butler 55 years ago.Bonnie met Jim as a student nurse when Jim's father was in Butler Memorial Hospital.“He said he was from Evans City,” Bonnie said. “I didn't even know where Evans City was.”So she borrowed an orderly's car and took a ride past his house to orient herself on the young man's location, and the rest is history.“Part of it is patience,” Bonnie said. “Each partner has to be patient with the other one and not get angry quickly.”She said common goals and interests are other facets of a long, happy marriage.“That's probably what brought us through these years,” Bonnie said.She also counseled selflessness for young couples starting out.“Make decisions on what you think the other person would want and not only what you want, whether it's buying a house or anything else,” Bonnie said. “I think we are all naturally on the selfish side and we have to overcome that.”
Jim and Jean Slingluff, of Zelienople, got married a whopping seven decades ago in New Sewickley Township, Beaver County.They moved to Lutheran Seniorlife Passavant Community a few years ago to be nearer to family.“A sense of forgiveness and a sense of humor are most needed, on both sides, of course,” Jim said.
He echoed the other couples' advice regarding longevity.“Hang in there, and don't give up,” Jim said. “If you want to swim across the river, you've got to keep swimming. You can't quit halfway.”The retired Lutheran pastor largely credits his wife with their years of marriage and organization.“I think she is strong in helping to plan what we do and carry it out,” Jim said. “I can trust her. I'll put it that way.”
Richard and Dorothy Weber, who also live at Lutheran Seniorlife Passavant Community, will celebrate their 70th anniversary this year.They agreed that a commitment to kindness and compassion will outshine the forces that seek to tear a marriage asunder.“I think you shouldn't be critical of each other,” Dorothy said. “Don't sweat the small things.”She said faith in God has also brought them through the many ups and downs inherent in marriage.“I feel that we've been very blessed,” Dorothy said. “We've had lots of wonderful friends and family who have helped us through the years.”
Bill and Sonia Diakiw, of Butler Township, married 65 years ago in Arnold, Westmoreland County.“We go with the flow,” Sonia said of their long marriage. “We have no time for grudges.”Bill, a retired priest at Sts. Peter and Paul Ukrainian Orthodox Church in Lyndora, said once married, couples are joined for life and must do their best to get along with one another.“And you have to have fun together,” he said.Sonia agreed that no marriage is perfect, but leaning on one another in the bad times is essential.“You have your ups and downs, and you work through them,” she said.Regarding advice for young couples, Sonia summed up the thoughts of all couples who have weathered the marital storm with love and kindness.“Listen to each other and try to work out your differences,” she said.
