Mother describes two unbearable griefs
We all need God's grace to bear with each other through COVID-19 and the varied ways people respond.
Imagine how much more grace we need to bear with each other as we try, as one family, to lament and grieve the death of Ahmaud Arbery, a black man, at the hands of two white men.
I'm grieving, lamenting, weeping, not sleeping, wailing, raging as a white mother of four children, one of whom is a black 12-year-old boy.
I have two griefs to offer. One: A black man was hunted down like an animal while jogging in Georgia in February. Yet no arrests were made until recently.
A man who looks like my son.
And two: I'm still not sure how many people feel about it. Especially regarding the systemic truths about racism underlying it.
This latter point is an enormous grief for me. And a grief that makes it impossibly hard for me to want to grieve near to people who refuse to try to understand and see it through my eyes and, more importantly, the eyes of black families everywhere.
People are posting on social media about this case a lot in recent weeks, many showing their shared grief at the constancy of these issues and about the re-trauma endured by families of color. These posts aren't in any way enjoyable for our brothers and sisters of color, but we know arrests don't or won't happen unless videos go viral.
Hate crimes don't keep people's attention for long, no matter how much any of us plead. Too many people continue to act surprised or unsure that racism is still a significant problem in 2020, so those who care about these issues know they have to really press in when a high-profile death like this happens.
Those unaffected continue to ask for refreshers, for extra catered-to-them education about the most basic realities of racism that is the toxic air our black brothers and sisters breathe, just to move the needle of belief and understanding the tiniest bit.
It is not just Racism 101. In so many of our churches, people have shown they still need basic, bare minimum discipleship about what God thinks and says about these issues.
Does God really care about systemic oppression, poverty and injustice? Is this something Christians should care about? So many seem to have no idea that concepts of justice and ending oppression are all over the Bible!
It should humble us to the dust and lead us to repentance that our brothers and sisters of color have to put up with so much silence, resistance and negativity about this case and this family's pursuit of justice in the midst of this enormous trauma.
We should all be attentive, sympathetic and appreciative about anything our brothers and sisters of color share with us on the topic of racism because such honesty is oftentimes more costly and exhausting than any of us can imagine — especially when people continue to question, or just scroll through on social media, barely glancing at the trauma suffered by those around them.
To be sure, I recognize many have moved the needle on this topic, and I'm really grateful to God for that. I'm so grateful some people have actively wanted to listen and learn not just in times of trauma.
I'm also grateful that more people have shown courage, stepped out and are posting and sharing more on social media, even though they are unsure how people will feel. That is really good and we should keep going!
In Isaiah 58, God said: “Cry aloud; do not hold back; lift up your voice like a trumpet; declare to my people their transgression, to the house of Jacob their sins. They seek me daily and delight to know my ways, as if they were a nation that did righteousness and did not forsake the judgment of their God; they ask of me righteous judgments; they delight to draw near to God ... Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers. Behold you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with a wicked fist ... Is this not the fast I choose: to loose the chains of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from you own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily.”
If that's the same God you worship, then I believe if we took the summary of God's law more to heart, “to love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself,” then with unity we could grieve Ahmaud Arbery's death and seek to make changes to the systemic racism underlying it.
This was written by Adrianne Vodenichar Thompson, daughter of Butler Eagle Publisher Ron Vodenichar and his wife, Linda Corton Vodenichar. Adrianne is a 1999 Butler Area High School graduate, and a 2003 graduate of Wake Forest University. She met her husband, W. Hunter Thompson, in college. The couple are the parents of four children. Their third child, Isaiah, is a native of Rwanda and adopted by the family in 2010.
This was originally a longer and more personal post written for Adrianne's cross-cultural church family in Richmond, Va. The original “Two Unbearable Griefs” can be found at blog.northsidechurchrva.org.
