QUESTION: Your mom’s wedding dress. A ring that belonged to your partner’s grandma. They’re beautiful but not your style. How do you politely decline family heirlooms for your wedding?

ANSWER: Lorine McGinnis Schulze, genealogist and owner of Olive Tree Genealogy, offers this advice:

Before declining, keep in mind that there are powerful memories and emotions attached to the heirloom. The person offering it expects you to love the idea.

Don’t prolong the agony if you have no intention of wearing the item, and don’t give an elaborate excuse.

Be honest, but be gentle in your words.

If your mother asks you to wear her wedding dress, you could say, “Mom, I know it would mean a lot for you to see me walk down the aisle in your wedding dress, but I believe every bride should have her own special dress — one that she feels beautiful in. I hope you will go with me to help me choose mine.”

If your partner offers you his grandmother’s ring, you could say something like, “That’s a lovely ring, and I appreciate the offer, but I have something else in mind. I was hoping we could go together to choose one.”