DALLAS — Here in what some call the “buckle of the Bible Belt,” the faithful regularly flock to houses of worship for guidance. Dedicated clergy preach about forgiveness and gratitude, the need to help the poor or comfort the grieving.

But religious leaders — in churches, synagogues or mosques — rarely address what to do if mom or dad try to kill each other.

A recent survey by Christian-based LifeWay Research showed almost two-thirds of 1,000 Protestant pastors said they speak about domestic violence once a year or less.

“When there are things we don’t talk about, this is one of them,” said Michael McKee, bishop of the North Texas conference of the United Methodist Church.

Academics call it the “Holy Hush.”

But faith can be a recovery tool, so shelter workers are trying to break the clergy’s reluctance to deal with family violence by pushing them to recognize the problem, get training to address it and bring attention to it by preaching about it.

Many pastors want to do more to help domestic violence victims but say they need more training.

“We will always have this problem,” said Marie Fortune, a United Church of Christ minister who founded the Faith Trust Institute, which works to educate clergy about domestic violence. “But what we’re working toward is making it rare and unusual.”

When Jessica Brazeal, assistant director of clinical services at Genesis Women’s Shelter, went to work for the shelter four years ago she learned domestic violence affects 1 out of 3 women. That meant victims and abusers were sitting in the pews with her on Sunday as well as at the shelter.

“That, for me, was a big eye-opener,” said Brazeal, who holds a degree in biblical counseling.

A lot of pastors don’t see it that way. According to LifeWay, 72 percent of pastors who speak about the issue said domestic violence is a community problem — but only 25 percent said it’s a church problem.

The “not in my church” notion is “a chicken and an egg problem,” said Fortune. “If you don’t look for it, then you’re not going to see it. And if you don’t know what to look for, it’s all happening but you’re not seeing it.”

The Rev. Bobby Gibson Sr., associate pastor at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, said his first professional encounter with domestic violence happened when a woman confided to his wife that her husband was abusing her. From what Gibson knew of the couple, though, he “just didn’t think that he (the husband) was capable of that.”

But when the abuser was confronted, he “didn’t deny it happened,” Gibson said.

Many incidents and a lot of education later, Gibson is “very much less skeptical.” Now when a victim approaches Gibson or a staffer, we “go in just openly honestly listening and believe the person.” They then work to find community resources to help. And at Oak Cliff, it’s not unusual to hear the Rev. Tony Evans, senior pastor, discussing the topic as he did on a recent Sunday when he told parishioners “submission never means abuse.”

Gibson’s initial reaction is not unusual, Brazeal said.

Recognizing abuse is sometimes difficult for clergy because the abuser often “seems like a great guy,” she said. “He’s in the choir, he’s head of the ushers, he is the chair of some committee. So when she comes forward and says, ‘This is what’s going on,’ it makes it harder to believe.”

Chidinma Ward was disappointed by her church’s response after her estranged husband held her at gunpoint for hours. Even though he was arrested and convicted, “Nobody wanted to take sides when I was asking for help.”

“It surprised me,” she said. “It hurt me.”

“By not taking a side, you’re taking a side.”

In addition to fearing they won’t be believed, victims are often reluctant to talk to their spiritual leader because they may not be ready to leave; they may worry about their abuser losing his job or going to jail; and they may feel ashamed their marriage falls short of the religious ideal.