I watched parts of the baseball movie “The Scout” the other night.

It’s a truly dreadful flick staring Albert Brooks as a bumbling New York Yankees scout and Brendan Frasier as a mentally unstable American playing in Mexico who just may very well be the best pitcher and hitter who ever lived.

Yeah. Pretty bad. But it got me thinking: What would be the best fictional baseball movie all-star team?

Here’s my list:

Catcher: Crash Davis (“Bull Durham). This is a tough position to crack, what with other stalwarts like Jake Taylor (“Major League”) and Gus Sinski (“For the Love of the Game.”)

But Crash is the career leader in fictional minor league home runs and has a knack for handling pitchers (and sprinkler systems.)

First base: Jack Elliott (“Mr. Baseball.”) Tom Selleck rules as a former Big League star languishing away in Japan.

Second base: Marla Hooch (“A League of Their Own.”) There’s not a whole lot of depth at this position, but Marla Hooch “sure can hit.”

Third base: Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez (“The Sandlot.”) You have to love B-Rod. He’s like A-Rod, but without the steroids.

Shortstop: Tanner Boyle (“The Bad News Bears.”) Every team needs a scrappy middle infielder.

Outfielders: Roy Hobbs (“The Natural,”) Willie Mays Hayes (“Major League,”) and Bobby Rayburn (“The Fan.”) It’s funny that Wesley Snipes plays two of the three outfielders on this list.

Hobbs is a no-brainer here. The dude can mash, even with bullet fragments oozing out of his gut. Hayes gives our team a leadoff hitter and base-stealing threat. Plus, he can entertain fans with pushups after every pop up. And Rayburn is a three-time MVP. Just keep some of his psycho fans away.

Starting pitcher: Nuke LaLoosh (“Bull Durham.”) He’s young. He has a good fastball and he has good chemistry with our catcher, Crash Davis.

Why no Steve Nebraska from “The Scout,” you ask? He did strike out all 27 hitters he faced on 81 pitches ... in Game 1 of the World Series no less. With a performance like that, he has to be under suspicion of using PEDs.

Middle reliever: Monty Brewster (“Brewster’s Millions.”) He made the case for me when he said, “I can get any team out for three innings.”

That’s what you want out of your middle reliever.

Closer: Rick Vaughn (“Major League.”) Can there be any other? Wild Thing is everything we’re looking for in a closer: triple-digit fastball, crazy haircut, a hot temper and confidence.

Manager: Jimmy Dugan (“A League of Their Own.”) If we can keep ol’ Jimmy off the bottle, he can inspire in the clubhouse and push all the right buttons from the dugout.

Just remember, though: There’s no crying about this list.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.