Growing Closer
SARVER — What do a lobster dinner and cancer have in common?
Lobster dinners are the way that Marlene Brown, 67, of Sarver, celebrates having survived breast cancer six years ago and uterine cancer three years ago.
A large pink pearl ring that she bought in San Francisco also honors her survival.
“My husband, Alfred, and I travel much more easily now,” said Brown. “He has always been sweet to me but he is much sweeter now,” said Brown. She also is closer to her sisters now.
Despite radiation for breast cancer and chemotherapy for uterine cancer, Brown acknowledges positive things that resulted from cancer.
“The small things are no longer small, like butterflies going from flower to flower and fog rising in the morning. Sunrises and sunsets are spectacular,” said Brown.
She thinks of breast cancer as one of life's teachers.
“It taught me to have more compassion for the suffering of others and to pass out more hugs,” said Brown.
Debbie Mangol, 57, of Sarver, also experienced blessings from her breast cancer in 2003.
“My relationship with my husband, Fred, is much stronger,” said Mangol. “It gives you a great appreciation for life.”
Both Brown and Mangol said their faith had an impact on their experience with cancer.
“My strong faith is much stronger now,” said Mangol.
Brown said, “I turned to God and said, 'Put me in your hands, lead me, guide me and guide all the medical teams.'”
She felt that God released her from fear and worry.
“I felt totally at peace with everything,” said Mangol. “It was like I was wrapped in a nice warm blanket with God's arms, and he said that I was going to be fine.”
Brown said that reading and talking to friends, family and cancer survivors make a difference in how one feels about the weeks or months of treatment.
“The support of others was one of my greatest healers,” said Brown.
Overcoming her fear of cancer was critical for Brown but she didn't think her life was going to end.“You can find out what needs to be done and the alternatives,” she said.But some information, such as a book recommended by her doctor, was too much for Mangol.“As a nurse, I knew that breast cancers are not all the same. However, the less I knew, the better,” said Mangol. “I wasn't a nurse then, I was just me.”After four months of chemotherapy to shrink the tumor, Mangol had a mastectomy. But she became discouraged when she realized that she needed three more months of treatment.“It's not that they didn't tell me earlier, I just didn't assimilate it, and I couldn't comprehend it all.”Mangol said that the entire family is affected when someone has cancer.Her husband, Fred, said, “Sometimes I took it as hard as she did. I held her when she was physically sick but we were emotionally sick together.”Mangol believes family members should be included in decisions. She recommends taking a significant other along for doctor appointments.“I listened to the doctors but sometimes I didn't hear. They listened but they didn't always hear,” she said.She asked questions and made the doctors stop and explain things until she did understand.Brown's daughter, Jennifer Ravotti, 42, of Sarver cherishes the time she and her mother had together while Brown received her chemotherapy. They played Scrabble and word games to think of something less troublesome.Treating cancer with humor helped Mangol and her family. To prepare for losing her hair, Mangol had a wig party with other women in her family. She took wine and they toasted life as they picked out a wig.“I wanted to make this an adventure and something I wouldn't be boo-hooing about,” she said.Laughs were important for Brown, too.One day she put her wig on and asked her young grandson, “Do I look any better?” Thinking of his bald grandfather, he said, “Well, you have your pretend hair on. At least you don't look like Pappy anymore!”Both Mangol and Brown had mothers who had breast cancer. Doctors told them both that it is unlikely that they have a genetic link for cancer because their mothers had breast cancer after age 60.“We never talked about her cancer so it seemed like a terrible thing.” said Brown. Now she said it is best to have it out in the open.Brown's cancers were caught early, and she is an inspiration to her daughter for prevention, mammograms and checkups.“Mom and I presented a sense of optimism to my daughter as well,” said Ravotti.Ravotti said their family openness during that time led them to talk about a living will.“Later we decided who would take care of what down the road,” said Ravotti. “Every family should have those discussions. If you can do it before anything comes up, it's so much easier.”There are some things that only other breast cancer survivors truly understand.“You always have cancer over your head. It could come back and come back anywhere.” said Mangol, “It keeps you on your toes.”Waiting for test and mammogram reports is always worrisome for Brown, but knowing that breast cancer is treatable helps Ravotti.“It doesn't do good to worry about something you cannot control,” she said.“It's not a death sentence,” said Mangol. “It's another step in the process of life.”“God has his plans,” said Brown. “I think I'm here because I've got to work on something harder.”Plans that Brown made before cancer are not on the back burner.“The lump in my breast was like a bump on the road. Life does not stop,” she said.
