Don’t let the heat fool you. Christmas is now less than five months away so it’s not too early to start thinking about what to get a loved one — like your older brother or crazy uncle who doesn’t know when to stop shooting his mouth.

That’s right, folks, look no further than the handy-dandy “James Harrison Filter.”

No, it doesn’t slice or dice or make mounds of Julienne fries, but it does know when to stop you from making ridiculous statements that can get you into a lot of hot water.

Harrison may catch a break since there is no league contract, so technically, he’s not employed by the NFL.

Supposedly, Commissioner Roger Goodell has the power to lay down a suspension or fines for Harrison’s recent comments to Men’s Journal — or anyone’s comments or offseason behavior, but it’s likely not going to happen since the owners have locked out the players.

Let’s gloss over a few morsels Harrison was quoted to saying and what the JHF can do:

What he said: Called Goodell “the devil” and “a crook” and would not urinate on him if he was on fire.

What he should have said: “I mean crook in the nicest way, like a real go-getter and self-sufficient and devil like that full-of-energy Tazmanian Devil on those Looney Tunes cartoons.“As for the last item, I would use water.“I would use water.”

What he said: Told quarterback Ben Roethlisberger to throw an interception on Green Bay’s side of the field and not to act like Peyton Manning. And he called running back Rashard Mendenhall a fumble machine.

What he should have said: “It would have been nice if those interceptions were on Green Bay’s side of the field. And, you don’t need to act like Peyton Manning. You’ve got two Super Bowl titles and Peyton has just one. And Rashard, you are a machine. It’s just your Super Bowl fumble came at a most inopportune time.“OK, group hug everyone.”

What he said: If the Steelers won the Super Bowl, he would have whispered in Goodell’s ear, “Why don’t you quit and do something else, like start your own league in flag football?”

What he should have said: “I understand you have a very difficult job. You don’t need all this. You could retire and start up a very successful flag football league. Something fun for the whole family.”Granted this is a small sample. Some of Harrison’s quotes went overboard — some very derogatory — but the James Harrison Filter may be just what you’re looking for.It gives you that moment of clarity that could help save your reputation, respect of your peers and maybe your job.Because let’s face it. You never meant for Aunt Harriet to hear your nasty comments at the family reunion. Now, you won’t have to worry.Thanks, James Harrison Filter. You’re a lifesaver.

Sam Tallarico is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.