It was the worst baseball season in Pittsburgh since 1985.

And there weren't even any drug trials as a distraction.

Where have you gone, Dale Berra?

Despite promising talent at the top of the batting order, the Pittsburgh Pirates finished 29th in runs scored, 29th in batting average, 27th in slugging percentage and 28th in OPS.

The Pirates didn't have a .300 hitter and didn't have a guy hit more than 21 home runs.

The pitching was worse.

The Bucs were dead last in the majors in ERA, complete games and, of course, wins.

They didn't have a 10-game winner and the starting pitchers lost a staggering 84 games.

Here are the Top 10 things the Pirates must do to become relevant:

No. 1, Fire the manager. Put a check by this one. John Russell got his walking papers Monday.He'll be letting the pitcher hit with runners in scoring position late in a game in the Independent League next season.

No. 2, Hire a worthy replacement. Just firing Russell isn't enough. The club needs to find someone — anyone — who can handle this enormous task of rebuilding.

No. 3, Get some help already. Andrew McCutchen, Jose Tabata, Neil Walker and Pedro Alvarez can't do it by themselves.Splurge on some quality free-agent bats. Don't let the Derek Bell and Jeromy Burnitz debacles ruin it for you.

No. 4, Get some help already, Part II. The same could be said about the pitching staff.In the offseason, guys like Jon Garland, Livan Hernandez and Brett Myers could have been had at a discount. All three started 33 games and pitched more than 200 innings this season.The Pirates had just one pitcher make more than 30 starts and no one with more than 200 innings.They need a veteran or two to stabilize the rotation until suitable replacements can be uncovered — whoever they are.

No. 5, Draft the best player available. Don't worry about signability. All that got them was Daniel Moskos.

No. 6, Evaluate talent better. Two words: Jose Bautista. Two more words: Matt Capps.

No. 7, No, really, evaluate talent better. As late as mid-May, the Pirates saw Neil Walker as a utility player. (Insert laughs here).

No. 8, More fireworks. Why not? The big booms are distracting. You notice the bad baseball less.

No. 9, Sell the team to Mark Cuban. We can dream, can't we?

No. 10, Make a pact with the Devil. Someone in the Pirates organization needs to have a sit down with Beelzebub, offer a few souls, like maybe Oliver Onion's or Sauerkraut Saul's, for a winning season.Desperate times call for desperate measures. Eighteen straight losing seasons seems desperate enough.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.