Don't run onto the field at a Philadelphia Phillies game — you will get Tasered.

Jumping the fence and taking a sprint across the infield at PNC Park might get you a tryout.

That's the difference between the two Pennsylvania cities right now. Sure, in Philly you might get spewed on in the stands, like what happened to a poor off-duty cop and his daughter last month.

At PNC Park, there is no vomiting, just lots of people sick to their stomachs.

Yes, it has been a strange start to the Major League Baseball season.

Let's break it down:

• Chairs are tougher than they look.

Philadelphia must be the Nexus of the Weird this season. It seems Phillies closer-of-the-week Ryan Madsen took on a clubhouse chair — and lost.

Madsen was upset about blowing a save and slammed his big toe against said chair. Apparently, the chair took umbrage and didn't yield, much like the San Francisco Giants hitters when facing Madsen.

The right-hander is out for up to eight weeks after having toe surgery.

• Don't bury the Red Sox (go ahead and shovel dirt on the Pirates and Indians, though).

It's amazing the amount of panic that ensues when a team gets off to a slow start in April.

In the always panic-stricken Red Sox Nation, the sky is certainly falling. Chicken Little is a Red Sox fan.

David Ortiz isn't even hitting the weight of his own head. Josh Beckett and Jon Lester got off to their typical poor starts and the Sox catchers are so scatterarmed, even Mackey Sasser could throw out runners at a better clip.

Pundits are already pounding the last few nails in the Sox coffin.

Not so fast. It's early.

Jettisoning Big Papi would be a good start. He flat out can't hit anymore. He's done. Finished. Kaput. He's wailing away at pitches like a 5-year-old playing Wiffle Ball. He doesn't need time. He needs to be put out of his misery.

• Indians owner Larry Dolan is the real life version of Rachel Phelps.

Phelps, of course, was the fictional owner of the Indians in the movie "Major League." Her plan was to build an inferior team full of castoffs and players way past their prime, kill attendance and move the team.

I'm beginning to think Dolan is following that blue print. Russell Branyan? Austin Kearns? Mark Grudzielanek? Really?

Now, the club is exploring trade possibilities for Grady Sizemore. I guess trading Cy Young winners in back-to-back seasons didn't alienate the fan base enough.

Dolan wants to chase away the ladies, too, it seems. Trading the "Grady's Man" would cause a huge revolt among the female fan base in Cleveland.

• Can a dude win the Cy Young with no wins?

K.C. pitcher Zack Greinke might put that to the test this season. He sports a 2.27 ERA, a 0.98 WHIP and has an 0-3 record. He's on pace to go 0-19 this season.

Greinke should sue for lack of support. Then, he'd finally win.