It's April Fools' Day.

You've probably been the victim of several jokes and/or pranks already.

The old pull-the-chair-out-from-under-someone-about-to-sit-gag never gets old.

Neither does the "Did you hear, the Eagles just traded Donovan McNabb to the Raiders — for a second-round pick!"

Yeah, right!

Um, whoops. That one may actually be real, even though McNabb is probably praying it's just some cruel farce orchestrated by Andy Reid.

Then again, Reid doesn't strike me as the mischievous kind of guy. He's no prankster.

So, on this April Fools' Day, I will float some scenarios that might seem preposterous, but could actually happen.

Beware. Sometimes life is stranger than fiction — and sillier than April 1.

• Dan Rooney bans all Steelers from bars and public bathrooms.

Bars and bathrooms have not been kind to the Steelers, so, while this edict seems bizarre, it could actually happen.

A moratorium on nightclub and public restroom visits would have saved Ben Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes and our favorite paper towel rack abuser, Jeff Reed, a lot of trouble.

• Steelers unveil new alternate home jersey with black and white alternating stripes.

In related news, Steelers are picked to win season opener by 10-to-20.

• Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski faces fire after NCAA levels 8 million rules violations on the Blue Devils program.

Never trust anyone who ages like enigmatic "Lost" character Richard Alpert.

• Pirates sign Barry Bonds — then he officially retires as a Bucco.

Two years removed from the game, the limelight and steroid controversy has mellowed Barry.

It's a kinder and gentler Barry. It's a contrite Barry.

He waxes nostalgic for Pittsburgh, the place where it all started, and he speaks from the heart at his news conference.

Bonds admits he used steroids, explains it was because he was trying to keep up with the Sosas and the McGwires and says, while it doesn't make what he did right, it was the culture of the game at the time.

And he is forgiven.

I don't care if he had the entire storage room of the Medicine Shoppe coursing through his veins from 2001 to 2004 — those were the four most amazing seasons ever turned in by a player, juiced or otherwise.

• Steelers sign Terrell Owens.

Sadly, he'd only be the fourth most controversial player on the roster.

• LeBron James announces he wants to play football.

Michael Jordan once gave up basketball for baseball. Bored with the whole basketball thing, James follows in his idol's footsteps.

James would be a big, athletic target at tight end. No one would be able to jump with him in the end zone. Even rubber-armed Jake Delhomme could toss 15 touchdown passes to James.

• Brett Favre announces his retirement — and stays retired.

Hah! Gotcha with that one. April Fools!

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.