We all know parents mean well, but sometimes they just get in the way.

"I've met many parents I'd like to admit!" quipped Seth Allen of Grinnell College.

The comment came as part of the "Inside the Admissions Office" Web cast that brought together deans from several Northeastern schools for an interactive session where parents and students from across the country submitted questions and received answers directly from the source.

In their zeal to assist their students in achieving their college dreams, some parents overstep their boundaries by contacting the college too frequently, impersonating their sons and/or daughters on the telephone, answering questions for them in meet/greet situations, completing their applications, overediting or even writing their essays, deciding where to apply and just overmanaging the entire process.

Beth Wiser, dean of admissions at the University of Vermont, said once they are on campus "students will need to work through issues themselves, and the application process is a great place to start to practice that."

Students who allow mom and/or dad to be overinvolved can suffer because they lose their voices in the process. They often end up at colleges their parents wanted them to attend — or the most prestigious school they were accepted to — as opposed to the college that represents the best fit for them academically and socially.

Freshmen with hovering "helicopter parents" have been described by college deans as "crispies" (students who are already burned-out and overprogrammed even before stepping foot on campus) and "teacups" (students who seem so fragile they might shatter at the tiniest stress).

Parents are footing the bill for college in most cases, so they have a right to be involved. But here are some suggestions on how to be part of the process but not take over:

Encourage your student's ownership of the admissions process. It might seem easier for you to do everything from scheduling the campus visits to researching colleges to filling out the applications, but it is much more productive for the student and impressive to the admissions office when the student actually takes the initiative.

Talk frankly about financial expectations.

Allow them to dream but still stay grounded in reality. Support their choices and let them know it is his or her decision and not yours.

Manage your own anxiety.

Be their cheerleader from the sidelines.

Stop talking and actively listen to their needs and wants.

Lee Bierer is an independent college adviser based in Charlotte, N.C. For more information, visit www.collegeadmissionsstrategies.com.