You want to know why NHL hockey is so cool?

It's not the speed.

It's not the fast-paced action.

It's not the fact the Pittsburgh Penguins are good again, which has produced more bandwagon riders than Roger Clemens has mistresses.

It's not even the Zamboni, although a point can be made for that.

It's the fact that in no other professional sports league can you find a wider array of awesome names.

Thank the melting pot nature of the league for that.

There are players in the NHL from Canada (duh, eh?), the United States, the 8 million fractured nations that once made up the Soviet Union and even one from Brazil, where ice usually is found only in rum cocktails

There used to be a lot of Zs on the NHL ice.

I'm talking about the ones you get in the middle of the night or while watching "Flavor of Love 3" on VH1.

But after the lockout that nearly destroyed the league, those who run the NHL realized that to get the fans back, they needed to spice the game up a little.

Bye-bye neutral-zone trap. See you later 8 billion ties. Hello shootouts.

Now the only Zs on the ice are the 27 dudes whose last name begins with the last letter in the alphabet.

In comparison, there are nine guys in the NFL who begin the spelling of their last name with Zorro's mark, seven in major league baseball and zip in the NBA.

Get it. Zip.

You gotta love that.

Here are some names that make the NHL worth while.

n

Teppo Numminen. It's just so darn fun to say. Say it: "Teppo Numminen." If saying his name doesn't make you feel better, nothing will. He's the new Zoloft.•

Tuumo Ruutu. Hint: If his name ever shows up as a puzzle on "Wheel of Fortune," buy a vowel.•

Pascal LeClaire. It sounds like he should be doing something much more important with his life, like creating a new computer programming language or making cars run on shaved ice.•

Miroslav Satan. My personal favorite. Don't mess with this guy. He'll burn ya. He's also giving Angel Pagan a run for his money.The NHL is enjoying a boom, a rebirth, if you will. You can thank Pittsburgh for that.If the Stanley Cup finals against Detroit, which are being called "sexy," even though I find nothing in the least sexy about Sidney Crosby's neck beard, turns into the showcase everyone seems to believe it will, hockey will be back.Now, if only we could see it on a regular cable channel, not Versus, which to this day people still believe is a poetry channel.In the Stanley Cup, you won't find Oscar Wilde or the Minnesota Wild.The only Frost you'll find is on the ice, not Robert.You

will see Marc-Andre Fleury, who has a name that sounds like a poet, at least.Enjoy the Stanley Cup finals — and the crazy names that will be engraved upon the trophy when it's all over.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.