Jessica Simpson is the root of all that is evil.

She should be blamed for EVERYTHING that has gone wrong in sports.

HGH and steroids in baseball? Her fault.

College and pro coaches packing up their bags and slinking out of town? Blame it on Jessica.

She broke Nick's heart, after all. She made bad movies. Name one of her hit songs? I dare you.

Now she's messing with TonyRomo's mojo.

Jessica is why Romo had a bad game against the Eagles. We all know it. It wasn't Romo's thumb that was bothering him and causing him to miss open receivers like Jessica misses common sense.

Surely, it couldn't be that. And it definitely wasn't Philadelphia's blitzing defense that pressuredRomo and forced him into bad throws.

Nah. It was Jessica.

Besides, she was wearing a pink Romo jersey. Pink! When was the last time the Cowboys wore pink?

Well, maybe they did in Super Bowl X.

Guys like Andy Pettitte, Brian Roberts and Fernando Vina should stop using the BillClinton Defense and start using Jessica as the excuse.

Instead of saying, "I only did it once — and I didn't inhale, er, a, inject," they should use the Jessica Simpson Defense.

She's a popular scape goat, you know.

Take Roger Clemens for instance. On Tuesday he released a 109-word statement that basically said, "I did not have steroidal relations with that syringe, HGH."

He could have saved himself a lot of anguish and his agent's time — not to mention 104 words — by simply releasing this statement: "Jessica made me do it."

HGH is basically "Steroids of the Sea," after all.

But Clemens opted to take the tough road. Instead of laying the blame on Jessica, which would have left all of us thinking, "Yeah, sure, that makes sense. It's OK, Roger. We understand," now we're going to have to endure a year — 12 months even — of talk about whether or not Clemens 'roided up like the rest of them.

He did. They all did. There are probably two dudes who didn't 'roid up in all of baseball: Melvin Dorta and Skip Schumaker. Everyone else is a human pin cushion. We should just live with it.

Like we do with Jessica.

At least the 'roiders are trying and aren't skipping town like thieves or adulterers under the cloak of night.

Bobby Petrino didn't even have the decency to look his former Atlanta Falcons' players in the eye before he left Atlanta as if William Tecumseh Sherman was chasing him.

Rich Rodriguez fled Morgantown for Michigan as if his couch was on fire, leaving his team to play in a bowl game without him.

What good are contracts if they can be broken so easily?

It's a trend in college these days for coaches to sign multiyear contracts, then leave after as little as one season.

It can all be traced back to Jessica. Just ask Nick about the contract she broke.