Memories often hard to discard
If downsizing were as simple as hitting a delete key, life would be easy for those beginning a new chapter.
Considerations like what to donate, what to sell, what to store and what to discard would pose no conflicts while sorting through memories boxed in attics and basements.
But for many who move to smaller spaces, past and future don't easily mix.
"Some struggle with holding on to stuff, but for me that's all it was: stuff," said 75-year-old Ruthann Sulitz, who moved into an apartment at Concordia Lutheran Ministries several years ago.
"It was stuff from a chapter of my life that was over," she said.
As part of her downsizing process, Sulitz identified items that held the most meaning for her.
"I knew I'd like to take my dining table and the couch my husband and I reupholstered together," said Sulitz, a widow.
Her children took what they wanted and Sulitz was eager to help others with the rest, donating some items to charity and giving others to several couples just starting out.
Making the decision to downsize while she still had control over things was a plus for Sulitz and her family members, who did not pressure her to get rid of things. Sulitz calls that approach a blessing, having been around folks for whom the downsizing was traumatic.
"Several residents left their things reluctantly and had a hard time letting go of the past," she said. "I didn't want to live in the past or burden my children with my stuff," she added.
"These life-changing decisions are better to make when you are well enough to control it and you don't have time bearing down on you.
"I am so thankful I made this move while I am still healthy enough to enjoy all that this type of living has to offer," she said.
Professional organizer Vickie Dellaquila couldn't agree more."One mistake most seniors make is that they wait too long and then the process has to happen in a hurry," said Dellaquila of McCandless Township, Allegheny County.Dellaquila uses her background in nursing and social services to help seniors downsize and relocate, a process she says is often traumatic."People connect emotionally with things for a variety of reasons. Our possessions carry memories, which are a part of who we are," she said.Last week, Dellaquila began helping a mother and daughter downsize before their move to Passavant Retirement Community in Zelienople. Nadine Simon, 72, and her 90-year-old mother Dorothy Wroblewski will move in two weeks.Simon took a step toward downsizing last year when she sold her house in Virginia and moved to Pittsburgh to be with her mother.At that time, Simon moved into an apartment with Wroblewski, putting many possessions in storage. It was this storage unit that Dellaquila was helping to thin out."I had collections, more collections than I remembered," Simon said, describing matchbooks, books, glass and various items embellished with alphabet letters. Simon decided it would be easier to part with the items if she gave them to other collectors instead of throwing them away.
"Giving things to people that appreciate them makes it easier to part with them," she explained.In addition to placing ads in newspapers, Simon used the Internet, which led her to a matchbook group interested in the matchbook collection.Dellaquila, who authored the book "Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash: A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize, and Move," understands the difficulty in going from a 3,000-square-foot living space to one that is 800 square feet. So she has devised systems for estimating how many belongings can be saved."Basically, it comes down to feet and inches. We measure closets and count cupboards to figure you've got to get rid of 6 feet of clothing and 12 kitchen cupboards worth of stuff," she explained. "It can get overwhelming.""Musical instruments, books and memorabilia of any kind seem to be the things that are the hardest to let go," she added.For collectors like Simon, changing the shape of the collection or making a shadow box or wall hanging can transform it into a decoration instead of a storage liability. But other items are less useful, even as part of a room's decor.Simon struggled with a box of college text books that were outdated and served no purpose, but they represented several years of her life. So she turned her back as Dellaquila put them in the trash."I couldn't do it myself, but having someone else do it made it easier for me," she said.
Peter and Sandra Davies of Adams Township decided to try downsizing on their own. When they put their house up for sale after 28 years, the couple planned to downsize over time while waiting for an offer."It took only eight weeks and now we are frantically trying to unload 40 years worth of stuff that we've accumulated," said Sandra Davies, originally from Great Britain. "Some (of it) we moved across the Atlantic decades ago."While the couple did give some things to charity and to friends and neighbors, they decided a yard sale might help them lighten their load quickly."I was surprised by what sold and what did not," she noted. "Of course, the dealers were at the door at 7:30 a.m. when the sale didn't start until 9 a.m. — but throughout the day people came and went, some taking things and others passing up our treasures."Davies said many of the books brought over from England were a popular item and sold quickly, while antique brass items she thought might go were left behind."It was fun and meaningful to connect with the people that were purchasing our things," she said, explaining the personal connection made it easier to part with things."One neighbor who was passionate about our books took a box of them, and I know they will be read and appreciated," she said.
"I will need to investigate some other options to get rid of the remaining items," she said."There are some things that my husband can't part with and my son is taking those items," she said.Although an unexpected immediate house sale has forced the Davies to deal with their downsizing tasks quickly, Dellaquila urges people to take time when possible."Ideally having the time to make decisions is best, but in a time crunch the one moving has to make decisions often about a lifetime of stuff in a matter of weeks and that can be traumatic," she added."Donating things is often easier than trashing things," she said. "There are Freecycle groups online where you can barter and swap or just give things to people who actually need them."Books can often be donated to churches, schools or libraries while blankets, sheets and towels can often be put to good use by animal rescue groups and shelters. Unused and unopened toiletries can often be used by women's shelters or homeless shelters," she explained.Dellaquila also said the best way to avoid downsizing stress is to get rid of things on an ongoing basis."It will make things easier when you decide to downsize and relocate to a smaller home if you have taken the time to downsize your belongings throughout your life," she added.And what to keep?"Keep only the things that really bring you joy, peace, and that you use. Let someone else enjoy the items you can no longer use."
