Not your dad's ring
NEW YORK — Once upon a time, when a man proposed, he gave a woman a shiny solitaire diamond engagement ring. It was the standard. It's probably what her friends had and she was eager to join the club.
Fast forward to 2007: It's now the norm for a woman to influence what her engagement ring will look like — if not to pick it out herself, says Mary Moses Kinney, director of the Independent Jewelers Organization.
The result is bigger stones, nontraditional settings and some rings that forgo the diamond altogether.
"Size matters," says Millie Martini Bratten, editorial director of the Conde Nast Bridal Group. "People love a big sparkly ring, especially coming from the person they love most in the world."
Moses Kinney thinks the larger rocks are being driven by two things: Women aren't shy about asking for what they want, and, because couples are getting married a bit older, they typically have more money to spend.
The older bride also has had more time to carve out her personal style. "Women want personality in their ring. They want to make an emotional statement with the ring. They want it to reflect who they are," says Moses Kinney.
The groom, Bratten says, if left to his own devices, would probably still go for a classic solitaire because that's what he thinks an engagement ring looks like. But he's rarely left to his own devices.
Usually, she says, "He will take his fiancee to the store and let her point out shapes she likes — the shape is the priority — and settings. She'll drop hints whether she likes gold, platinum or white gold."
The Diamond Trading Company, the sales and marketing arm of De Beers, recently interviewed 10,000 U.S. couples on their purchasing behavior for diamond gifts: Only 19 percent fit the conventional image of a man presenting a woman with a surprise diamond. Thirty percent of diamond purchases were by women called "assertives" — those unafraid of making their views known early. Many went so far as to buy the item, wrap it and hand their partner the receipt.
If a man is a little more old-fashioned and does want the engagement ring to be a surprise, he still rarely goes into a jewelry store without doing his homework.
He may have noticed what kind of ring his girlfriend's mother has or if his intended has commented about a friend's ring, says Bratten, also editor in chief of Brides magazine. At the very least, he probably has done a little price research to try to get the most sparkle for his buck. He also might ask other brides-to-be about their rings.
"We do get on occasion grooms on our site asking other brides for ideas about the ring. The other brides completely get into it: They'll ask, 'What's she like?' 'What does her other jewelry look like?' 'What's the lifestyle?"' reports Theresa DiMasi, editor in chief of Brides.com.
It's really in everyone's best interest to make sure the bride gets a ring she loves, DiMasi says. "She wears it for many, many, many years. It's not like the dress that you wear for one day."
Over the years, brides have moved away from yellow gold, both for engagement and wedding bands, in favor of platinum, which they consider more wardrobe-friendly, DiMasi observes. Men, she says, still tend to want gold.
The price of platinum, however, has shot up because of increased demand, and couples are again interested in gold — yellow, white and rose-tinted.
"Rose gold is pretty, new and trendy," according to Brides' Bratten. "It looks good on many skin tones."
Many rings have micropave diamonds outlining the setting. That makes the center stone appear bigger and sparklier. "You get the look of the big ring without piling on too much additional cost," she says.
Another trend is three-stone rings, with pink or blue sapphires — or, less often, emeralds or rubies — flanking the center diamond. Colored diamonds are considered chic, but are also expensive, more for the rich and famous, Bratten says.
In the quest to personalize engagement rings, even semiprecious stones are being used.
"There is no right or wrong ring," says Moses Kinney. "It's like a favorite color. If one woman likes a princess cut, the next will want an emerald cut."
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