Inevitably, all over the planet, people spend this time of year making promises they won't keep.

They are called New Year's resolutions. But in reality, they are New Year's Things I Should Do, Will Do For a Week or Two, Then Stop Doing Resolutions.

About mid-January, we will launch a Resolution Revolution.

Most are your typical resolutions: Eat fewer M&Ms. Work out more. Stop stalkingSonni Abatta.

But they last about as long as a Cleveland Browns' offensive drive. We are as resolute as T.O. is humble and mentally stable.

It's human nature, really. We are creatures of habit, and, unfortunately, most of those habits are bad ones.

So, here are some resolutions I am going to make when it comes to sports. I probably won't keep them.

Hey, at least I'm going to try.

•

Resolution No. 1: Lay off the Pirates. I have been pretty loud in my criticism of the Buccos.Sure, they haven't had a winning season since 1992. Sure, David Littlefield is about as good at building a winning baseball team as the city of Pittsburgh is good at constructing a new arena for the Penguins.Sure, their biggest offseason signing is Cuban right-hander Yoslin Herrera, who no one outside of Fidel Castro has heard of, but the Bucs have some things going for them.They have young pitching. Um, their stadium is nice. And, um, they have good nachos.Oh, and the perogie races. Yeah, those are fun.•

Resolution No. 2: Lay off J.P. Losman. Like the Pirates, I have been critical of the Bills' quarterback.Being a Bills fan, I realize my views are clouded because of Jim Kelly and Doug Flutie. No QB who wears a Bills uniform will be good enough in their long shadows.But Losman has played well in Buffalo's late surge. I have to admit that.Sure, they blew a nine-point lead against the Titans. Sure, Losman was horrible down the stretch of that game. Sure, the Bills haven't played in a playoff game since the Music City Miracle in 1999.But it's not all J.P.'s fault. I will no longer call him J.P. "The Snake" Loserman.•

Resolution No. 3: No more T.O. talk. I'm going to be like Bill Parcells and pretend he doesn't exist. He's not worth my time.I'm not going to suggest he write a book called "Little T. Plays Cowboys and Indians ... and He's the Indians."•

Resolution No. 10-to-20: I won't make fun of the Bengals' legal problems — starting now.•

Resolution No. Ocho Cinco: I won't swear at the TV every time Chad Johnson opens his mouth.•

Resolution No. 6: I'll stop telling people my favorite hockey player is Harry Derriere.•

Resolution No. 7: I will concede bowling is a sport, not something teenagers do on a Friday night. I will also concede auto racing is a sport and that driving around in circles real fast is not something teenagers do when they are done bowling on a Friday night.•

Resolution No. 8: I'll stop being apathetic ... ah, who cares anyway.