"First Daughter" begins as a fairy tale about the only child of the president of the United States and how she wants to be normal, just like everyone else. It then becomes a romance about the only child of the president of the United States and how she wants to be normal, just like everyone else. It then takes a strange turn and becomes a melodrama about the only child of the president of the United States and how she wants to be normal, just like everyone else.

In case the one-note plot of this movie seems a little vague, let me reiterate: THE GIRL WANTS TO BE NORMAL, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. The filmmakers are so relentless in pounding this message into your head that after, oh, say, the millionth time first daughter Katie Holmes says something like, "I want to be a normal, run-of-the-mill girl," you want to slap her (or yourself) and scream, "YES! I GET IT! I GET IT! Now will you please just shut up and get over yourself!"

Or maybe you won't do that. Maybe it's just me. Maybe there's an audience of young (pre)adolescent girls out there who missed Mandy Moore's similarly themed "Chasing Liberty" earlier this year and will lap up this ponderous, excruciatingly long movie and dream about being a famous first daughter, spending vast sums of taxpayers' money taking road trips on Air Force One (as the first daughter's college roommate says, "Is this country great or what?") and canoodling with a hunky college guy with washboard abs and cute dimples (on his face - this is a PG movie, folks).

You already know the story. First daughter (Holmes) ventures off to college, wants to be normal (just like everyone else!), but can't because her dad (Michael Keaton) is president and is running for re-election. There are shenanigans, a tentative raising of the freak flag and a protracted scene featuring Holmes in a blue bikini. (A consolation prize, I suppose, for those guys unfortunate enough to be dragged to this movie.)

There's also a roommate (Amerie, the r&b singer, hence the single moniker) who's a little bit ghetto, a love interest (Marc Blucas) who's more than a little bit bland and a dormitory called the Woody House without the slightest bit of wink-wink, nudge-nudge irony.

If you saw "Chasing Liberty," you know about the Big Secret. If you didn't, you'll figure it out. But if you pay good money to see both of these movies, I can't figure you out unless you're the kind of girl who wants to be normal, just like everyone else.

TITLE: "First Daughter"DIRECTOR: Forest WhitakerCAST:Katie Holmes, Amerie, Marc Blucas, Michael KeatonRATED: PG (language, sexual situations and alcohol-related material)GRADE: * (on a scale of 5)