Confidence is way to deal with bullies
CRANBERRY TWP — How do you stop a bully?
Students at Haine Middle School found out at an assembly Monday morning that taught them how to be smart, responsible and confident in the face of trouble.
Jay Banks, a researcher who has spent the last 14 years looking into bullying, presented, “I Am Unafraid,” a program that teaches students four steps to dealing with a bully: avoid bullies, find a friend, report bullying and act confident.
“We know the best way to reduce bullying is to empower victims and bystanders,” he said. “Most of you are victims, all of you are bystanders, but after today you will have the power.”
The first and foremost way to deal with bullies, Banks said, is to avoid them.
“Seventy-five percent of the time, you can alleviate bullying in your life in this school by learning how to avoid bullies,” he said.
For those who find that piece of advice obvious, Banks reminded the adults in the room that middle schoolers don't and have to learn it.
“They don't avoid bullies. They don't because they want everyone to love them,” he said. “I get it.”
While this is understandable, Banks said it's an instinct students need to learn to avoid.
It's important for students to learn that it's OK if some people don't like you, and that often the best way to deal with that is to avoid being around that person.
To illustrate, Banks told the story of when he was younger and being bullied on the bus.
After many days of being picked on by another student, Banks said one day, a seat shortage at the back of the bus made him change where he sat.
“So I had to sit on the front of the bus,” he said. “Guess what happened that day on the bus? Nothing.”
Sometimes all it takes is changing where you sit to stop bullying.
The second way to stop bullying is to find a friend.
This means the impetus is on the student to reach out for help and to avoid isolation.“It is not your teacher's job to watch you. It's your job to watch them,” Banks said. “If I can see my teacher, I'm safe.”With a teacher in sight, help is always nearby and if students keep their eye on their teacher, they'll always have someone to turn to for help, students were told.But alone, Banks said, that is when students are vulnerable.“You should never, ever be in the school or your neighborhood or anywhere else by yourself,” he said.The third way students can work to reduce bullying is to report it to their teachers if and when they see it.“It wasn't so long ago, that you used to tell us about everything. Now that you're in the fifth grade, now that you're in the sixth grade, you don't tell us at all,” Banks said. “Sixty-four percent of you don't report bullying.”Researchers like Banks found that when asked, 71 percent of students say they don't report bullying because they think teachers don't care.“(But) it's not true. I didn't say 71 percent of teachers don't care. I said 71 percent of middle school students said teachers don't care,” he said. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're wrong.”He pointed out that many teachers have also experienced bullying in their own lives and that, in addition to being trained in how to deal with it in the lives of their students, they know how it feels.He said many overcame struggles with bullying, often through the help of a teacher or other adult.Students at Haine can find this helpful too, he said, but they have to reach out to their teachers and tell them they need it.“If you tell us we can help you,” he said. “If you don't tell us we can't help you.”Finally, Banks encouraged students to act with confidence.He used the analogy of football players putting on a game face to show confidence to the opposing team.“There is research that shows, that people who have a game face are three times less likely to be chosen as a target for bullies,” he said. “Its all about the game face. You need a game face.”When it was all over, students lined up to leave, pondering the lessons they learned that morning.Olivia Taylor, a student at Haine, took some valuable lessons away from the assembly.“I think it was pretty good, very funny,” she said. “I learned that we need to act confident, and I usually tell my parents almost everything.”She said the assembly made her feel better about how to handle situations with bullies.
