Okay, if everyone will be seated we can get started with our symposium "Officiating in the NFL and You — A Refresher Course."

Seems like we have a full house here today, so let's introduce ourselves and get the ball rolling.

Wait, Donovan McNabb, quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. What are you doing here? Oh, wait. You didn't realize there were overtime ties during the regular season?

You want "Players Who Don't Have a Clue About NFL Rules" down the hall, second door on the left. And don't tell them what you said about what would happen if there was a tie in the playoffs or Super Bowl.

Tell them you play until there's a winner. You do that and you might get out of there by lunchtime.

Now, where were we? OK, introductions. You, in the front row with the striped shirt. Your name tag says Scott Green. Scott Green ... Scott Green. Where have I heard that name before?

Oh, right, you're the one from the San Diego-Pittsburgh game. An illegal forward pass? What were you thinking?

You had a forward pass, followed by two laterals, the second was tipped by Troy Polamalu and returned for a 12-yard score. You were correct, then looked at the replay and changed the call.

I don't know what replay you were looking at, but you came out of the replay review booth and had that deer in the headlights look. You said you misinterpreted what pass you were looking at and later admitted you got the play wrong.

Wow, I don't really know where to begin in all of that. I'm not a rocket scientist — although they teach that down the hall on Thursdays in the Roger Goodell Conference Room — but I didn't see an illegal forward pass.

My son is 3 years old and even he knows the difference between forward and backward. You were the talk of all the talk shows, as well as the league office.

Oh well, the damage is done, although the good thing was the outcome wasn't affected, unless you were laying a bet on the game.

Did you hear nearly $100 million was wagered on that game alone, and with the touchdown negated on the final play of the game, the Steelers didn't cover the spread?

I don't think there's any wrongdoing on that front, but with all the NBA has gone through, you can see our predicament.

What's worse, it cost my fantasy football team a victory this week, but I'm not going to allow that to cloud my professional judgment.

Oh, who am I kidding? I think you'd better leave. I'll sign your sheet and validate your parking. I'll say you did your time. You're free to go. I'll let the director of officials and Mr. Goodell deal with you.

The same goes for the rest of you. Leave. Now. The officiating has gotten a black eye this year and this is beyond me.

Besides, I've got bigger problems to deal with. I gotta go catch up with Donovan. I mean, 339 yards passing is great, but three interceptions and just one touchdown against the Bengals over five full quarters? Come on!

Maybe I should have joined that hockey fantasy league. The only replay is whether or not the puck cleared the goal line. It can't be that difficult, can it?