Take out that wallet. It's time to pay your tuition.

Hey, if the New York Yankees can shell out $200 million for their Evil Empire, you can afford 35 cents for this column - and Baseball 101, the spring training session.

In this class, you will learn money is no object when building, er, buying a team. You will also learn that the AL East is worth more than the Gross National Product of Mozambique.

And several other Third World Countries like Montreal, Minnesota and Pittsburgh.

You will also learn that now more than ever baseball is about the rich blindly spending money and the poor scooping up whatever scraps are left over.

But you will also learn that money doesn't necessarily buy happiness - or those cool pennants the rich kids in New York have.

Lesson No. 1: The Evil Empire Strikes Back.

The Yankees' payroll ballooned to almost $200 million when owner George Steinbrenner and his minions pulled off a trade that brought everyone's favorite multi-millionaire to the Bronx for Alfonso Soriano, a no-name player to be named later and some cash.

Well, a lot of cash.

Now the Yankees have a lineup that includes seven current or former All-Stars. And that doesn't include a pitching staff that boasts of perennial All-Star candidates Mike Mussina, Javier Vazquez, Kevin Brown and closer Mariano Rivera.

With the large payroll, though, come some large expectations. If the Yanks don't win, say, 140 games, will Steinbrenner blow a gasket?

Joe Torre will be a guest speaker, provided he isn't fired by opening day.

Lesson No. 2: The American League East is just plain sick.

There is about $650 million in payroll locked up in the five teams in the division. Each team went out on a spending spree this winter that would have made even Michael Jackson smile and giggle.

Lesson No. 3: Raul Mondesi is no A-Rod.

While the Yanks are adding the A-Rods of the world, the Pirates - perhaps the bizarro-world Yankees - are adding Mondesi to a lineup that already includes Chris Stynes and Freddie Sanchez. Look out, New York.

Unlike in the NFL, where even the Arizona Cardinals have at least a glimmer of hope before a season starts, major league baseball leaves teams like the Buccos with about as much hope of winning a World Series as Britney Spears has of winning an Academy Award.

Today, before the first pitch in a spring training game has even been thrown, the Pirates have no chance to win a world title.

None. Zilch. Nada.

Their only real hope is to finish at .500. To Pittsburgh, that would be a successful season.

And that's just wrong.

But there are always those sounds of spring and summer to enjoy.

The crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd - and the cha-ching of the Evil Empire.