Welcome to the "Ten Days of NFL Purgatory."

With two weeks between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl, something has to fill the void.

For the first time in 20 weeks, there will be a Sunday with no pro football game on the tube.

Instead, we will get a bunch of fluff.

There are 10 days left before Super Bowl XLI, and in the next 240 hours we will be inundated with all sorts of things that we could give a flying Kevin Federline about.

I don't really care about the life story of Bears longsnapper Patrick Mannelly.

I'd rather not have knowledge of what breakfast cereal Colts third-string outside linebacker Tyjuan Hagler prefers.

Sure, there will be some meaningful stories sprinkled in between the mind-numbing and IQ killing drivel.

Like the matchup of Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy, close friends and the first two African-American head coaches to lead a team to the Super Bowl.

However, for every story we want to see, for every nugget of information we want to digest, we'll be subjected to 100 more that will make us dumber for the experience.

That's the nature of the beast, especially when you have so much time — and so much media — between games.

Luckily, there has been enough NFL drama this week to give people something to talk about other than if Colts third-string tailback DeDe Dorsey prefers Coke or Pepsi.

Here are some of the stories I would like to hear more about, rather than which "Desperate Housewives" star Rex Grossman has the hots for: Eva Longoria or Felicity Huffman.

• I want the blueprints for Michael Vick's water bottle.

Sure, Vick's bottle of H2O didn't have marijuana in the secret compartment, but the water bottle

did have a secret compartment, after all.I know none of my water bottles have secret compartments — and I think I want one.Maybe that's where Vick keeps a lemon slice.• What would the Raiders have done if "Baby" Lane Kiffin hadn't said, "Gee, sure, mister. I'll coach yer team for ya?"I hear Jonathan Lipnicki is looking for work."Just show me the money, baby."• Why did Bill Parcells quit?I don't need a history lesson about what a great coach Parcells is. I already know that story.What I want to know is why did the guy spend 12 hours a day working at Texas Stadium since the season ended, then wake up Monday morning and pull a Cartman?Perhaps "the player" had something to do with it.• Why did Mike Tomlin have to find out he was the Steelers coach onESPN?The Steelers seem to have as many security leaks as the former Soviet Union.Of course, instead of insights on these topics the next 10 days, we'll hear why Kyle Orton is loving life in the Witness Protection Program, otherwise known as third-string quarterback for the Chicago Bears.Enjoy.