Call Stacy London and Clinton Kelly.

Ring up Ty Pennington. Heck, get Bob Vila on the phone.

The All-Star Game needs an extreme makeover.

It's not even a big deal to make the All-Star Game anymore. There will be 66 players in St. Louis for the mid-summer classic next week.

That's almost three complete teams.

Andrew Bailey made the American League team. So did Ben Zobrist, who wasn't even a starter until injuries planted him at second base.

So watered down are the All-Star teams, Delwyn Young might be able to bat third for the NL, too.

It used to be an honor to play in the All-Star Game. Now it is almost a curse.

Remember Pete Rose slamming into Ray Fosse in the 1970 All-Star Game. Now, players are afraid to give each other a high five for fear of tearing a labrum.

I used to watch every pitch of the mid-summer classic. Now, I won't even DVR it.

Want to spice things up? Name a team of players who have never been in an All-Star Game and probably never will be. Watch as those guys play their hearts out.

Image how entertaining a game pitting these players against each other would be:

• <B>Catcher:</B> Corky Miller, White Sox. His name sounds like an All-Star. His play — not so much.• <B>First base:</B> Chris Davis, Rangers. He's on pace to strike out 231 times this season. He will provide fans in St. Louis a nice breeze at least four times Tuesday night.• <B>Second base:</B> Alexi Casilla, Twins. He's batting .180 and is having such a bad season, he was replaced by Matt Tolbert, who is hitting .178.• <B>Third base:</B> Alex Gordon, Royals. The injured third baseman was tabbed as the next George Brett. He has been more like the next Joe Randa.• <B>Shortstop:</B> Don Kelly, Tigers. Root for the Butler-born dude!• <B>Outfield:</B> Reggie Willits, Angels; Felix Pie, Orioles; Chris Carter, Red Sox: Willits wears No. 77, so he's in on that alone; Pie is Spanish for foot and the dude can run, so that's a natural selection; and Chris Carter is in because he created the X-Files.• <B>Starting pitcher:</B> Zach Jackson, Indians. Root for the Butler County dude!

• <B>Catcher:</B> Brian Schneider, Mets. New York fans have been waiting for their team to get off the Schneider for several seasons.• <B>First base:</B> Brad Nelson, Brewers. Oh-for-21 this year and a lifetime .071 hitter. He's what this game is all about.• <B>Second base:</B> Jason Smith, Astros. Oh-for-25 this season. Nelson thinks that is sad. But at least Smith has driven in a run — with a bases-loaded hit-by-pitch.• <B>Third base:</B> Bill Hall, Brewers. What happened? Rich Hall has more hits.• <B>Shortstop:</B> Brian Bixler, Pirates. The fact that he is still with the Pirates organization and hasn't been traded speaks to the fact he isn't very good.• <B>Outfield:</B> The Pittsburgh Pirates outfield in August. There are two outfields in Pittsburgh each season: the pre-trade-deadline one and the post-trade-deadline one.• <B>Starting pitcher:</B> Oliver Perez, Mets. Perez facing off against Davis would be worth the price of admission. It's like the irresistable force vs. the immovable object.Perez can't throw a strike; Davis can't take a ball. With that kind of paradox, the universe could simply explode.But at least the All-Star Game will be entertaining again.