Times are tough.

The economy is still trying to reboot itself and jobs are hard to come by.

But there are some megabucks businesses desperately in search of people to lead the key divisions of their operations.

Here are a few want ads I came across. Some might even be right for you:

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Help wanted: Are you the next Daryle Lamonica?Oakland, Calif., asylum, er, firm, looking for a quarterback who can throw the ball clear over them mountains.Duties will include chucking the football deep to receivers who can run really, really fast (we know, we timed them), but who really aren't all that good at getting open or catching the ball if it actually gets there.Pay negotiable, although owner may choose to compensate with icy, Crypt-Keeperesque stares and/or the complete DVD collection of "Battlestar Galactica."Send resume — oh, who are we kidding. If you can throw the ball more than 75 yards and aren't named JaMarcus Russell, you're hired.•

Help wanted: Buffalo is nice in the summer, at least.Upstate New York company in search of a CEO who can turn around a once-proud corporation.Candidate must be able to manage 53 average, underachieving employees.Candidate also must be willing to work in anonymity in the NFL version of purgatory.Excellent salary and benefits — and a puffy winter coat for those brutal windy and cold winter days.Candidate will be expected to lead team to the playoffs — oh, who are we kidding. A winning record would make ownership downright giddy.•

Help wanted: Can you kick like Jeff Reed, but tackle like Ed Reed?Highly successful Western Pennsylvania corporation is looking for a little help on special teams. It's a third of the game, you know.Prospective employee must be able to make the makeable field goals in tough places to kick, like, say, Soldier Field in Chicago, and be a capable last line of defense on kickoffs.Candidate will not be required to make a tackle on every kickoff, just get in the way from time to time.Employee must submit to a breathalyzer test every three hours.•

Help wanted: Can you kick butt at Madden? Well, we have a job for you.Ever win a game 63-0 by calling the same three plays over and over and over again on Madden 10?A Fortune 500 company in the nation's capital has an opportunity for you.Call a running play on third-and-35. Punt on third down. Attempt a 75-yard field goal. We don't care. We'll take you. Heck, we may name you the head coach. All applicants welcome, as long as you don't play bingo.•

Help wanted: Everything!Fledgling company on the Lake Erie shore is in desperate search of people who know what they are doing.All positions available. Only qualification is the ability to score more than five offensive touchdowns in a 15-game span.That shouldn't be too hard to find.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.