There has to be a full moon. There just has to be.

How else can you explain all the wacky stuff going on?

Things are as crazy as Al Davis these days.

No sport is immune.

No place is immune.

Even Butler County.

• Art Bernardi, the man for whom Butler's stadium is named, is concerned that majorettes' twirling flaming batons will catch the spiffy new turf on fire if they get fumbleitis.

There are ground-up pieces of rubber in that turf, after all, and we all know tires are as flammable as the Dodgers bullpen.

Yet, after an extensive search on the World Wide Web, I was unable to find any instances of FieldTurf bursting into flames.

In fact, the FieldTurf Web site claims the synthetic material — including the rubber — is fire resistant and didn't catch ablaze ever during the California wild fires.

So, those worried about the Great Butler Fire of 2008 need not fret. We're safe.

• Too bad we're not safe from Roger Goodell.

The NFL commissioner is handing out fines likes Halloween candy, trying to increase the regular season schedule to, like, 100 games, hoping to play the 2025 Super Bowl on the surface of the moon and suspend every player who looks at him funny.

I miss Paul Tagliabue.

• I miss coaches who know their team's won-loss record.

It amazes me that some area coaches have no clue how many games their teams has won or lost.

Maybe it's just me, but I would think keeping track of Ws and Ls would be important to a coach.

I certainly knew my golf team's record when I was in high school (0-and-32, baby. Go Bombers!)

• GoRed Sox — and take the Patriots with you.

It sure isn't a good sign when one of the landmarks of your classic ballpark catches fire, but that's what happened in Boston when some of the plastic on the Citgo sign melted Wednesday.

If you believe in omens, that certainly rates as a bad one.

Maybe the fire was caused from all the home run balls off the bats of the Tampa Bay sluggers smacking against it the last two games.

The Red Sox will have plenty of time to rest their weary pitching before next season.

Perhaps they can take in a show?

• How about Spamalot?

Victorino is a fan of Spam. That makes me wonder about that boy more than I already do.

How can anyone like Spam? Spam may be the most disgusting thing ever packaged, with the exception of Jose Hernandez, Matt Bruback and Bobby Hill for Aramis Ramirez.

PETA doesn't like Spam, or Victorino. Of course, PETA doesn't like anyone. You haven't truly arrived unless PETA has released a public statement chastising you.

Congrats,Shane. Now that you have made it, maybe you can afford a real canned ham.

Until then:

Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam.