I like to think I am a pretty smart dude.

I didn't get a 1,500 on my SATs — in fact, I don't think I even took the SAT — but I'm no Paris Hilton.

I look both ways before I cross the street, and, unlike many of the Butler masses, I use a crosswalk.

When I go to the grocery store, I check the expiration date on the milk before I buy it.

And I don't electrocute dogs, which puts me in a very favorable light these days.

Still, there is always room to learn. With schools back in session this week, brains will be working harder than Cris Collinsworth.

But I think we've all gleaned some valuable knowledge during the summer months.

Here are some of the things I have learned.

• Don't mess with Fido.

You can do a lot of rotten things — threaten to kill your wife, take steroids to win the Tour de France or to hit 756 home runs, tell everyone the ending to the Harry Potter book — but electrocuting man's best friend will make you public enemy No. 1.

Michael Vick, fresh off his guilty plea for bankrolling a dogfighting ring for more than six years, killing as many as eight pit bulls and telling all the children in the world there is no Santa Claus (well, maybe not that last charge), has found Jesus.

He found Jesus, as in the bloke people find when they get in trouble and can't get out of it. He found Jesus, as in the guy people discover when they realize they are up the creek without a paddle.

Had he not been caught, the only "Jesus" Vick would have found was a pit bull he happened to name "Jesus."

• Mohawks are back.

Travis Bickle looked sharp with that hairstyle in "Taxi Driver." Mr. T pitied the fools who didn't have one. Chad Johnson had a blond one. A smattering of high school football players went Vidal Sassoon on their heads and shaved three-fourths of their noggins this summer.

Looking sharp, guys. Looking sharp.

• Jose Offerman is still playing baseball.

I had no idea before he tried to turn a pitcher into a human pinata and now he's not anymore.

• Brian Minto is a beast.

He planted Ray Lunsford into the canvas face first as if he were planting onions. It took just 1 minute, 56 seconds to put Lunsford out of his misery.

Minto should have known it was going to be a quick fight because Lunsford has a tattoo of an hour glass on his left bicep that is almost out of sand.

I'd like to see Minto fight someone who doesn't double as a punching bag.

• The Sliders had no chance to win.

Not even Billy Martin could have coaxed more victories out of this team. Here's a recipe for failure: Take an expansion team, give it just 32 home games out of 96, send them to Illinois, to Pennsylvania, then back to Illinois in the same week and turn over the roster on a monthly basis.

A .333 winning percentage doesn't seem so bad after all.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.