One of my favorite quotes about love comes from an anonymous source. The quote is, "No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying."

With experience comes the wisdom to hear what your spouse is telling you by not speaking. But all of the experts tell us that communication is the key to any marriage. How can you communicate without talking?

There are easy, obvious non-verbal cues that even the newlywed can spot.

For instance, every newly married man understands the glance he gets when he suggests that maybe he could go out with his buddies for an evening instead of going to visit his wife's long-lost relatives from far off who decided to stop by for a dinner. Her mouth might be saying "Sure, go. Have fun." But enunciation is everything in this situation, so a novice picks up on the word fun and knows there will be no fun with his friends.

Somewhere along the line, our Romeo progresses to a somewhat responsible family man. Here, the non-verbal language is more difficult. And since most of the time we men have been correctly accused of not listening, we can stumble here.

For example, "Honey, why don't you take your son for a walk in the stroller?" is actually not a question. Instead, it is a directive disguised as a question to make you think you came up with the idea. This allows your spouse to not tell you what to do, but rather, suggest you do something.

The answer in this case is always "What a great idea," even if the game you're watching is going into overtime.

Non-verbal signs to notice in this instance would be the bags under your wife's tired eyes from dealing with a child suffering from colic, left over baby food on her right shoulder (isn't that the same shirt she had on yesterday and the day before?) and her standing in front of the TV so you can't really see the game anyway.

I'm fortunate to have passed that phase, but now find myself stuck in phase III, or the "I-don't-know-what-answer-I'm-supposed-to-give" era.

With a 6-year-old and a 4-year-old, the questions are tough, but the non-verbal suggestions are becoming cloudy at best.

"Honey, I'm going to take Alex to the store to give you a break," sounds innocent enough to the untrained ear. In fact, it sounds heartwarming. A lack of response coming from the other room, however, allows my hawk-like instincts to kick in, and I swoop in to the living room.

"Oh, sure. That's a great idea," she replies, not looking up from the laundry she's folding, legs crossed, lips pursed.

I notice the ironing board behind her. Something is amiss. What is it? What am I missing? Please! Give me a sign.

"Hey Daddy. Can I come?"

It's my 4-year-old.

Mom looks up and her eyes have the "You know the answer to that one, Mr. Perfect Husband."

"Certainly sweetheart."

Who would know that my married life would be saved by my 4-year-old so many times?

The man that is truly married understands his role, however, and recognizes an opportunity. Perhaps I have graduated to phase IV.

"And while we're out, maybe we should pick Mommy up some … I look to my wife on the couch for guidance. She's wearing sweat pants, slippers and a big sweatshirt. The answer is obvious.

"Ice cream."

I smile, knowing that I just passed the test.

My wife's smile indicates that yes, I am truly a married man who understands what his wife isn't telling him.

And they think communicating only involves talking!

Christian Ola, a community columnist for the Butler Eagle, resides in Mars with his wife, son and daughter and can be reached at christianolac@aol.com.